Hubby vent

R just has no idea about IF stuff. I love R very very much but he has really tried no to learn about all the IF stuff so far and now I am getting really upset. 7 almost 8 months ago when AF finally showed for the first time I had just started looking into fertility treatments. I know from my lack of cycles it that something was wrong. R on the other hand chose to believe my Drs that I was fine and it all would be okay. When I got AF for the first time on my own after the pill, we were both thrilled. When I Oed we were thrilled. When my cycles continued to be normal I was very happy. Then just a few months into my normal cycles we hit that one year mark. Suddenly it hit me, we had tried for a year with no luck. R was certain we would get pg in the next few cycles so while I stayed on the t-ttc board and learned everything I could about IF R stayed blissfully unaware. I looked at insurance, worried about treatment cost. Looked into going on Clomid without monerting and read everything I could about Femera.

Now that we are going to see an RE and now that we have both came to terms with needing an RE; R needs to get informed. Only problem is R doesn't have the time, and quite frankly he just isn't interested. This galls me to no end. He has no idea about my hormones, no clue about side effects or even how my body works. R is content being not well informed, and while he likes that I include him in decisions he doesn't care to be educated on the subject by anyone but me or his previous knowledge, all of which is the shit they feed us in high school sex education.

This makes me feel alone in the process. I am going to have to research REs. I have to look up the stats, and in the end, I will decide who we will go to. In a way this is fine because I like being in control of everything. But on the other hand it means R is lagging way behind on the IF education train.

I have this nightmare where we are going into see the RE and Ryon asks the RE what my uterus is. I know he knows this but still I can just imagine him using our entire consult going over really basic info. I am angry at him for relying on me to take care of this. Angry that he isn't stepping up to the plate to learn more about the journey we are about to go down.

I don't know how to get him to be more involved and I worry that his lack of interest some how is indicative of how much he wants a child. I know in my heart he just hasn't come to terms with needing help and I wish he was right and that we are rushing things and don't need this. However my OBs have told me they have done everything they can do. Once I finish these last two tests that is it, they will have nothing left they can do. So now I keep looking at clinics, and try to decide who will help us make our dream come true.