Wednesday, January 9, 2008

PG Loss and IF

I have never had a miscarriage. Never been pg, never seen two lines. But somehow I feel a bond with those that have m/c. I feel like IF and m/c people can lump themselves together in a way because we both feel loss, both know the hurt of other people's words. IF ers morn the loss of things that never were while people that m/c morn the lives that were hear so briefly that many don't know of them at all. I know m/c and IF are very different. But in my head I feel like they understand me better than the general public. This doesn't mean I understand what it feels like to have a m/c. And please if you have had a m/c and are reading this and become offended, know that I really don't mean this to be offensive at all. Just trying to get some feelings out.

This weekend two nestie friends confided in me about their losses. Both happened this summer and neither is pg yet. I feel incredibly sorry for both women. I am always at a loss for words when people say things like that. This time I tried "I am so sorry for your loss, I hadn't know." It isn't enough though. I never feel like I say the right thing in those situations. It makes me understand how my friends must feel around me about IF. After all what do you say to people who are grieving?


I have a long list of IF/loss boards I visit. All of them are IF blogs some have had losses, others have not. One blog is just about m/c. I read it so that in situations like the one above I might be able to say something to comfort the other person. I haven't found those magical words yet but at least I know what NOT to say. Anyway, she is pg! Or at least it looks good. She got a paint positive today.

I had wondered when I added her to my blog list if I would be happy for her when she got pg again. I am happy to say that I am thrilled. Honestly thrilled and even let out a joyful yelp when I read her blog. Genuine happiness is a wonderful thing to feel!

So see I am not a jealous monster after all! Thank god there are some pg people I am happy for!

1 comment:

Jen said...

I completely understand what you are saying in this post. It is so hard to know what to say to someone who has lost something so dear to them. All you can do is try your best and hope that the person understands that you meant well...even if it doesn't always come across in the best way.

I have not been TTC very long, but the moment that they told me about my PCOS with insulin resistance I felt like I had lost a little something. It was nothing compared to a miscarraige, I'm sure, but I lost just a little bit of innocence about the whole process on that day.
~I'm wishing you all the best!