Thursday, April 30, 2009

Dylan You are In our HEARTS

A nestie friend has a little boy who s sick. It is his heart and he is going to need a pacemaker put in. For support a bunch of us took pictures of our kids, our bellies or pets with a heart. Then we put them into a video, it came out great and brought tears to my eyes. Here is the link:

Go watch it and then remeber to put Dylan in your heart too.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Bye Bye Sleep

WARNING: If you are in a bad place right know, and you know what I mean by that, then I HIGHLY suggest you don't read any further. I am about to complain BIG TIME.

I knew going into motherhood that what would be the hardest on me would be the lack of sleep. I just don't do well without 8 hours of sleep a night. If I pulled and all nighter in high school or college I made sure I could sleep extra long the next night. People who can get by on just 6 hours of sleep amaze me, not that I want to be like them, but sometimes being able to function on 6 hours of sleep would be nice.

For the last 3 weeks Riley has been regressing in his sleeping patterns. IT SUCKS. Yes he has had some good nights which I am so thankful for but many nights he is imposable to put down unless fully asleep and then he wakes 2 hours later. It has been very very hard on both R and I, but particularly me since he wants to nurse back to sleep.

I am exhausted, tired, grumpy and worst of all my relationship with R is suffering. I am thankful he is understanding and so helpful at night but lets be honest how much of my bitching can the man take? I am sure he is at his limit.

I want so badly to have a full night sleep or omg dare I say it 12 hours of uninterrupted sleep. That would be blissful!

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Prayers for a friend please

Warning: PL mentioned

A blogger friend lost her little girl this weekend. I am beyond heart broken for her. Please pray for her and her family. Thank you.
Ten thirty is the time Riley went to sleep last night. We some how missed giving him the upped dosage of his reflux meds at noon and paid for it all afternoon including a 35 minute nap where I held him. I don't normally do things like that but when your son cries from the acid burning his throat when put down and yet really, really needs his nap, well then as a mom you do what you got to do right? We still started bed time at his normal 8pm we normally start the routine then and he is in bed between 8:30 and 9 although we are trying to start getting him to bed earlier. We did our whole routine but again because of the reflux he screamed each time he was put down. This went on till 10:05 when I told R we were going for a car ride. So for the first time in a long time we drove him to sleep, and I am glad we did! He slept from 10:30 (that is when we got home no idea when he nodded off in the car) till 7:30. Do the math...I'll I mean it do the math........ done yet?...... that is NINE, yes count them NINE hours of sleep in a row. Can we say HAPPY DANCE!?! I checked on him many times in the night and each time he was fine. I know they don't suggest letting an infant sleep in the car seat but it was that or let him cry. R and I had no idea what else to do. We both needed some sleep and so did he.

Today we are being EXTRA good about giving the meds. We made sure he got them this am on time and stayed upright for 30 minutes afterward. It is hard sure but we learned last night that if we screw it up we pay for it at night. So from now on we will be very careful about making sure he gets all his reflux meds!

Saturday, April 25, 2009

One year ago today...

I tested at 8am in the morning to only see one line. I cried, went for my beta and to my surprise it was POSITIVE.

I am overfilled with emotions about today, and I can't quite seem to put them into words. I am immensely grateful for everyday with my son, for his smiles and laughs. He is everything I dreamed and wished for, he is my miracle.

To my readers thank you for all your support. Thank you for lifting me up when I was down and for just being here, your support has gotten me through some rough times. For those still wishing hoping and praying for their miracle, please know I pray for you often that you find your way to Motherhood lane.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Really really bad night

We put Riley down at 8pm and he was up FIVE times! That was the worst night sleep since he was 3 weeks old. He was up at 9pm, 11:30, 1:30 3:30 and 5am then got up for the day at 8. Oh and we followed the stupid lady from the Sleep Class advice all day yesterday. We will NOT be following her advice EVER again! I guess I am eating my words about the sleep class being worth it.

After last night I promise to be thankful for his once a night wakings even if they continue till he is a year old.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Sleep Class

I went to a sleep class at a local shop that does all kinds of classes. It was a very good class and I really liked that she didn't endorse one method of sleep ideology over another instead she focused on steps to get your little one ready to sleep through the night. Things like making sure the environment was right, they are well fed during the day, they have the ability to but themselves back to sleep, are good nappers and have a good schedule too. Riley has the environment down pat, his room is dark, it is the right temp, it has a white noise machine which we now run when ever he is asleep. But he isn't a good napper and we lack a schedule. So right now I am working on those things. In order to do that she suggests staying at home for naps for 3 weeks. Which means I can only be gone for about 2 hours, that is barely enough time to run to the store for us some days! But I NEED more sleep and I agree with her that if he is getting the naps he needs he will sleep better at night. So tomorrow is our first day home following our new schedule. 3 weeks is a LONG time please pray I don't go crazy.

Parenting By Gut

When a woman becomes pg these days she almost always picks up a copy of some parenting book along with her pg book, and if you are like me then you picked up 10 different parenting books everything from Dr. Sears to Baby Wise and from Ferber, to No cry sleep solution as well as everything in between. Everyone has their favorites, where I live Dr Sears and his attachment style parenting are VERY popular. I agree with LOTs of thing Dr. Sears says BUT I don't and won't co-sleep nor will I wear my baby while he naps. All the time people talk about parenting styles and I have a really hard time fitting myself into any one category.

We baby wear but we don't bed share and to be honest I am admittedly against bed sharing for my family. I believe babies have a schedule and that it is best to keep a child on a schedule but I think Baby Wise is dangerous and we feed on demand even when that is every hour. I really like Baby Whisperer, and her EASY pattern as well as her "start as you mean to go on" but I have been known to breastfeed to sleep frequently.

R and I just don't FIT into a style. And so I would like to create my own. It is called "Parenting by Gut". It recognizes what works for one family may feel very wrong for another and tells parents to listen to their gut. If the baby is fussing and you feel in your gut they will be back to sleep in a second then don't jump up to rescue them, but if you think this fuss is about to lead to a scream then by all means go get your kid if that is what you want to do. In PbG we try not to judge others for parenting choices, if CIO worked for a mom and her child and they are happy and thriving then that is fine. But that may not work for every family. Just because I baby wear doesn't mean you need to nor do I need to bed share because that is what works for your family.

The biggest rule in PbG is about giving advice, all advice must start with the saying "What worked for us was...." rather than "You should try....." The second rule I have already mentioned, it is not judging others for their choices. I am guilty of judging others a time or two but over all I really try hard not to. In PbG we do our best not to judge others even when their choices turn our tummy into knots. Example I find two piece bikini swimsuits highly inappropriate for infants but others use them because they are easy for diaper changes or for other reasons. And while I will never put my infant in a bikini I don't judge those who do. And rule number three, listen to your gut! If something doesn't feel like it is the right fit for your family then don't do it, it is that simple. I think the world would be so much better place if we all lost the titles of parenting and all just PbG.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

No we won't CIO

Riley is not sleeping well at nights, he seems to like getting us up twice a night. Even on nights he sleeps 6 hours for the first stretch he will be up 2 hours later. He doesn't NEED the food but he wants it for comfort sake. This last week as been particularly hard with his night terror, breastfeeding revolt and then shots, so we aren't ready to sleep train yet, but I am thinking if by May he isn't STTN regularly then we will be sleep training. However, we will not be CIO. And why is CIO the first thing everyone suggests to us when we mention the lack of sleep? For us CIO will be the last step, and one we will take only if we have to. WHY?

I have listened to babies CIO, sat at the door to thier bedroom and wailed myself with them. It was very hard to do even as a nanny and now as a mom I can't imagine how hard it would be.

Secondly, when you CIO you need to be 100% commited to it because noting is more confusing to a child than getting picked up sometimes for crying and not othertimes. We do not have this level of commitment, yet.

Third, and possibly the biggest reason CIO isn't for us. I read a article about what must go through an infants mind when it CIO for the first time. I got about three sentences in before I had to put the article down and go hug my son.

We are going to try some other things first, like a sound machine, and then letting R go in and comfort him with a paci and seeing if that puts Riley back to sleep before offering the breast. I am also hoping to get more tricks at a sleep class I am taking next week. Hopefully by May we won't need to sleep train but if we do then at least we will have an idea of the path that might work best for our family and our parenting style.

In the mean time if you happen to talk to us and we look sleep deprived please don't tell us we can always CIO. It isn't a path we are willing to take at the moment.

Thursday, April 16, 2009


We did 8 hours last night WOOOO HOOOO!

And then today after getting our referral to the PT he grasped the hanger out of my hand brought it to mouth, switched hands and then after another minute switched back. He literally went from not having a skill to mastering it over night! THAT'S MY BOY! So now we have grasping/reaching and cross lateral movement under our belt! AWESOME

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

4 Month Check Up

Today was Riley's well baby visit for his four month check up. It went well given the nursing strike that happened today but I have already spoken about that. He is growing well, and developing on track EXCEPT he isn't grasping yet or rolling over. I wasn't worried about the rolling over but the grasping concerned me. Dr Wonderful "played" with Riley trying to get him to grasp for the pen, the light and a few other things. It took him a considerable amount of time to even try and reach the object. He never got it on his own, but when given the object he brought both hands to mid line and put it right in his mouth. Exactly what he should be doing on his own. Dr Wonderful said we could do some PT if I wanted "yes please!" was my response. I think he is used to parents who when hearing their child is behind freak a little, but I know that the earlier a issue is caught the easier it is to fix. I think R was taken aback by Dr. Wonderful suggesting PT, the whole conversation he kept telling the Dr that he thought he was reaching/grasping a lot. We haven't talked about how he feels about Riley needing PT but I am sure it will drag up some emotions. The rolling over is no big deal he has a another 3 months to do that and I am not concerned. Riley is already scooting when on his back. So it isn't like he doesn't move, he just doesn't roll yet.

As for growth Riley is right on track he is 87% for weight, 54 for head and 48th for length. If you remember from my BIG u/s the tech commented on his "long legs" well today the nurse commented "he is all torso". Funny how things change.

We also talked about Riley's flat head. I am a BIG fan of the helmet. Our culture is too centered around looks and I think it is more harmful than good to let them simply grow out of the flatness. This only applies to kids who have a noticeable flatness AND as always is JMHO so please not rude comments from the peanut gallery.

We did skip vaccinations today. Dr. Wonderful said not to do them since the nursing thing could be him getting sick. It is weird how the planets keep aligning to keep us from getting them. I am starting to think the universe is trying to tell us something....

Let me leave you with a pic of Riley with Dr. Wonderful:

In honnor of TAX day

In a kingdom far away lived a prince named RILEY. Everyone in the kingdom loves Prince Riley because he is even knelled and predicable as well as a happy go lucky kinda guy. Today however the kingdom was upset, it was tax day. In revolt people all over the kingdom threw tea bags in the ocean, but prince Riley was to little to throw tea bags or chant or participate in a protest, so instead he organized his own hunger strike. From 10:30 am on he refused to nurse from the breast, and refused the bottle. He would only drink water from a cup to insure he didn't get too dehydrated. His parents worried about his health, they spoke to the Dr who told them hopefully he would eat soon and that as long as he drank some water he wouldn't get too worried. Other people in the kingdom worried as well and begged Prince Riley to eat but he would not nurse. Finally at 5pm after a little nap Prince Riley decided that the nursing strike should be over and took a nice long boobie feeding.

Bad Night Good Day

Bad Night:

Monday night Riley went to bed at 9pm his normal bedtime, we thought he was fine until 1am when he woke up crying to eat. This is becoming more regular, that he wants to eat around 1am instead of 3 or 4. I feed him and then back to bed he went. 45 minutes later, blood curdling screams come from his room. R rushes to calm him but after 10 minutes he is still screaming. He sounds pissed rather than hungry but I feed him anyway. He eats but the moment he pulls off is screaming again. We try to wake him but can't, we undress him, talk to him turn on the lights, but nothing works. We are both panicked there isn't much worse than a baby screaming (who doesn't normally scream) for no reason, I remind R that at least we know he is breathing. Of course then the little guy choses that moment t choke and not breathe.

He has now been screaming for 40 minutes and I am ready to call 911 but call my mom instead who heads on over. By the time she gets here we have Riley awake and semi calm, but he screams if you change his position or try to put him down. None of us can figure out what is wrong with him. I decide that if he won't sleep I will wear him while mom and I try to figure out what happened. He begins to fall asleep but then wakes up.

I soon realize he is having gas issues. We do a TON of Baby Yoga to get the air out, by now it is past 3 am so once Riley calms down I swaddle and feed him which promptly puts him to sleep.

Ahhhh sleep! Thank you!

Good Day:

Of course the day of our bad night we had big plans: the ZOO! Amber over at Kids for Kid, was picking us up for a fun day at the zoo for her multiples group. The zoo was crazy since it was spring break but we had a lot of fun any ways. It was really great hanging out with babies Riley's age. Amber's twins were born at 36 weeks too and are only two weeks younger than Riley making them developmentally in the same range. Riley loved to hang with his friends all day and I loved having someone who understood the demands of motherhood with a 4 month old. Amber and I found out we have a ton in common from our crazy sisters to our disabled moms to our educational backgrounds, her's is in education mine is in child development.

Here are Riley and I at the ZOO:

And our three boys hanging out

Sunday, April 12, 2009

4 Months is the BEST age

Today is Easter and since our household isn't religious we are having a nice low key Sunday.

I am told all the time that as a mom it is important to be "in the momment" and enjoy each phase of thier life rather than looking ahead. I don't feel I was able to do that Riley's first 6 weeks of life, it was all I could do just to get through each feeding. R and I lived those first weeks concentrating on making it to his next meal. It was that hard for us, and yet we loved it survived it and now here we are 4+ months old and able to live in the momment and enjoy it! Riley giggles, laughs, interacts and smiles with us all the time, his mood is easy going and he likes strangers but prefers us. We find ourselves wishing now that time wouldn't go faster but rather slow down. I told R this am as Riley was laughing at me for blowing him kisses that I wish I could freeze this age. That this is the best and it can't possibly get better than right now. He agreed. 4 months is the best age!

Riley's 4 Month Photos:

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Do You Know What Today is?

Riley's Conception Day!

One year ago today R and I made our way to our clinic for sample drop off and then the actual IUI. I was a ball of nerves and so was R that day. I am thankful each and every day since that that IUI worked and we have our little boy. Today was much more relaxed than it was a year ago, we did our normal Saturday thing, just spending time as a family of three!

Friday, April 10, 2009

Happy Easter Everyone

Easter is this Sunday as you might have heard. Riley's first Easter would not be complete without a trip to our local mall for pictures with the Easter bunny. I normally think the Easter bunny is kinda creepy looking but I like the one at our mall, maybe because he isn't white?

Riley flat out refused to smile for the camera, stinker. I told the girls taking his picture it was fine, and that as long as he wasn't crying I was happy, and I am quite happy with the photo. Then as we left he let out a big grin and giggle. I told you he was a little stinker!

Thursday, April 9, 2009

hit the brakes slame on the gas

We are still looking at houses, but trying to get approved first. We are quickly learning that buying a house is much like learning to drive a stick shift: a jerky and bumpy ride. About the time we think it is time to hit the breaks someone yells to gas it. If buying a home were a ride at disn.eyla.nd we would have whiplash.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

It is a privilage

the lack of sleep, the sore nipples, the headache from you crying, the bruise from where I tripped carrying the stroller upstairs, the unshaven legs because it is not the priority it used to be, the suffering friendships, the mommy brain... it is all a privilege, all of it.

Thank you Riley for choosing me to be your mommy.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Happy 4 Months Riley

Dear Riley,

Today you are four months old and sadly it is raining. I had planned a wonderful day out and about in our favorite town. A day of baby yoga then shopping, lunch with a friend and then time at the park but after baby yoga you and I were both tiered and it was raining so we headed home. Bummer.

This has been a wonderful month. In it you learned to STTN! However, you have yet to repeat the performance. You giggle like crazy and smile at everyone now. If you are in my or daddy's arms there isn't a person you won't smile at. I love this! This may be my favorite month yet! You are actually enjoying tummy time now. HURRAY! This means you get a little more of it these days but it means I am getting less done. Not sure how that works. You still wake up fairly happy in the mornings and from naps, unless you are in the car seat. If you wake up in the car seat you tend to scream.

You are showing some major preference for me and daddy, even with Grandma Dallas who still loves to come over and hang all the time. But if you are in a happy mood and I am near, you are normally content in her arms. Grandma isn't all that happy about your preferences but I love it. I feel like you finally realize I am more than just a food source.

Speaking of food source, please stop biting my nipples when you nurse. It is no fun for either of us. I wince in pain and pull you off and then you cry because I firmly tell you "NO, don't bite". You already hate the word no and we just started using it with you and only in reference to biting.

You love to be around other babies and kids right now. I have begun taking you to the mall, park or any where there are kids so that you can watch them run around. You will kick and swing your arms with excitement while you watch them play. Daddy says this if you could you would join in the fun.

I love you more and more each day my son. My heart seems to fill to the brim and then grow in order to not explode with my affection of you. I can't imaging anything better that being you mommy.

I love you.

Your Mommy,

Monday, April 6, 2009

Books Books and more Books

R and I love to read so it makes sense for us to get Riley a lot of books and every time we go to the book store I get him two. I have also been collecting board books for a few years. As a nanny people often let me have their gently used items including books. I have stored two boxes worth of books in my mom's attic all these years just waiting to read them to a child of my own. AND NOW I CAN!

I went up into the attic and brought down one box full of books. We got it back to our place and Oh my lord, there are more books than his book case will hold! So this week we need to get another bracket so that the shelves don't snap in half!

The best part is.... there is another box full of books that still need to come down!

With all these new books Riley and I already have our favorites:
Anything by Sandra Boynton
ABC I love You by Hallinan
I Love You Through and Through by Rossetti-Shutak

We also love:
The Family Book By Parr or really anything by Todd Parr!
I wish I were a Pilot By Stella Blackstone and Max Grover

Because they are ethnically diverse. And it is so hard sometimes to find good childern's books which display ethnic diversity without calling attention to it in their themes.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

My NEW Ride!

I got my new stroller today!

Before I got pregnant I had really wanted a, but to get all the little extras I wanted would have been almost 1,000 dollars. R put his foot down and said I didn't need a, and he was right I didn't need it but boy did I want it. After I came to terms with not getting a, I did a TON of research because a few of the features I love on the bugaboo come on other strollers too. I found one that got mostly good reviews and was in our price range.

Meet the BUMBLER.IDE FLYER: Riley and my new wheels!

Here it is on Youtube:

I had been worried about buying it since you can't find it in any store and thus it needs to be ordered online. But I shouldn't have. I actually love it more than the!

Here is Why I love it:

- You flip the handle bar rather than the seat, which allows you to face the baby or have the baby face out, without moving the baby!
- It weighs only 19 pounds and is very sturdy. Good news for my back.
- I handles quite smoothly and turns on a dime!
- Easy to fold and open, plus folds in one piece unlike a
- Allows Riley to lay flat if he falls asleep in it.
- Cute and Stylish plus not everyone else doesn't have it. Yep I am a little bit of an elitist.

I would highly recommend this stroller to just about anyone. I will admit the BOB is a better jogging stroller, but I DO NOT jog, or run. A brisk walk is about as fast as I go and a lazy walk is what I prefer.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Where did the time go?

We are reaching that point in the year where everything changes, yes it is now spring and with it the world seems to rejoice and be reborn, but this time of year is also special for me because we are fast approaching two days I will never forget. The days are those of my IUI and that of my first beta. I can't belive it has almost been a year. Where did the time go?