Tuesday, December 18, 2007

When Friends Don't Understand

My best friend Shannon and I have only been BFF's for a little over a year now. She is wonderful in so many ways but she has no idea what IF feels like. She is a few years older than me single and while she wants a child one day, she has mentioned a few times that a bio child isn't something she is all that interested in. So my overwhelming urge to be a mother is kinda foreign to her.

A few weeks ago i was trying to explain IVF to her. She listened and seemed to understand what I was saying until we got to ICIS and genetic testing parts. Then she said "so you could chose what gender you wanted" And I said well not really but using technology you could see what genders the embies were and then hypothetically only put in the boy or girl ones, however I doubt a Dr would let you unless for medical reasons do that" She concluded the conversation with the statement that she would totally do IVF if it meant she got to have the sex she wanted.

Hearing that a little part of me died inside. She really has no idea what she is talking about. No idea at all about IVF and the torcher that the 2ww after one is. She also has no idea that they can fail! And while a part of me understands that given where she is in life that her lack of understanding is normal. A big part of me wants to curl up and not see her for a while.

That makes me sad. I knew all of this was effecting my friendships but I had no idea how much. I am sorry to say that while the pain of her comment has faded, I still am reluctant to see her. She is supposed to come over on Friday but I don't think I can do it. I just can't deal with more people who don't understand this weekend. I already have to see R's family, I think that is enough tourcher.

1 comment:

IVF 4 Dummies said...

Sex of the embryos is only known when doing PGD - preimplantation genetic diagnosis - and it is a form of IVF that is not commonly done. It requires a good amount of eggs as the process itself often damages embryos, and is done if there is a known genetic disorder the couple is trying to avoid, like Cystic Fibrosis, or in cases of recurrent pregnancy loss since most miscarriages are chromosomal in nature.
ICSI is when the sperm is injected directly into the mature egg and is used for severe male factor issues or if there is a problem with egg quality (and the ability for the sperm to penetrate that egg). There is no genetic or chromosomal testing done on ICSI or standard IVF embryos. It's a misconception of IVF that PGD is a common practice and that IVF'ers control the cycle that much.