Monday, December 31, 2007
I feel very broken today. I am sure many people going through IF feel this way but today I feel it 10 times worse than ever before. It is cd17 and I have had two temp spikes but my temp refuses to stay up for more than days and thus Fertility Friend isn't seeing an O pattern. Also the stupid OPKs are refusing to work for me. I may never see a positive anything!!!! DH and I have been having some great sex but all the sex and wonderful swimmers in the world won't help if I don't Ovulate. I have been so worried about my temp I am barley sleeping which makes the whole charting thing even more imposable. I just feel broken and defeated.I am wearing my Angie bracelet today to help but even it seems to be letting me down today.
To make it all worse R is not ready to see an RE. He is ready to be a father but not get treatment. I am devastated in many ways about this. He said is is ready to actually talk to someone about what his SA means and so on the 2nd he will call his Dr and get a referral to the Urologist. Also next cycle I will get an HSG (if stupid Kaiser will get me in for the appt). I am looking forward to at least getting some answers. At least that way if my tubes are blocked or something is REALLY wrong we will know.
I am just sad that it couldn't be easy. Why can't I be one of the fertile mertiles?