Friday, December 28, 2007

Insensitive comments

This is the third time I have sat down to write today and hopefully this time I won't be interrupted and will get to finish the post!

I hate it when people ask "when will you have a baby". I hate it for so many reasons but when it comes out of the mouth of R's family I hate it the MOST! Not because they are awful people (because they are awful and that would be a perfectly good reason to hate them) but because they all lack empathy.

Example 1:

Back in November or October R's cousin threw a B-Day party for her 4yr old. It was a two hour drive away and his dad wasn't going and we had plenty of other things to do but we went because it was the nice thing to do. While there I met C. C had just adopted a little boy and he melted my heart the moment I saw him. C and I bonded and I told her about us. She has become a huge support and understand IF in detail because she battled it for 10 YEARS. That day R's family kept asking us about kids.

First his cousins asked and when I replied with "I don't know" she pressed the issue I told her "M, I really don't know. I want to go do grad school and R wants us to do a little traveling so I really don't know". All of this with in earshot of all his aunts and uncles. She drooped the subject but wasn't pleased that I didn't have a specific time frame. I blew off her disappointment only to have the same question asked by R's Non-aunt Ruth, who I hate!

Ruth thankfully didn't push the subject to much and let me go with a simple "not in 9 months, but we will tell you when it happens". But latter that day as we were all trying to leave his non-uncle who everyone calls his uncle Al asked us again about babies. R told him we had other things planned first thinking he would let it go but he didn't. Al berated us about kids. I finally just walked away. It was awful.

Example 2:

What made it worse was two week later at Thanksgiving he asked again. I got mad and said none of your business, but he continued I told him he was being rude and her continued I told him to shut the F up and told his wife Ruth he was being an ass but he continued. I now official am avoiding Ruth and Al. R understands and is okay with it, or at least he is trying to be. He is kinda torn on the subject to be honest. He thinks Al is an asshole and jerk but also wants to see his family. Sadly Al is at most family functions. :(

Example 3:

Christmas eve dinner, R's cousin-in-law, Drew (not his real name) and I are talking about his sis, who I will call C, who I mentioned above. All of a sudden he says "C, didn't want to do IVF because of the risk of twins" which I know isn't the real reason because her and I have talked about it. He goes on to say that "40% of people who do IVF have twins". At which point I tell him he is highly mistaken because success rate of IVF is about/lower than that a cycle.

He got all defensive about it and I tell him he is welcome to look it up. So we look it up and what do you know I am right! (I bet you knew that was coming.) Then in front of EVERYONE, except of course R, he says loudly "How did you get to be an expert on IVF" I told him I had two Internet friends who were doing IVF right now an waiting to find out if it worked. (you both know who you are!) He said "are you sure you aren't infertile??"!!!!

I was shocked and responded "we wouldn't know because we aren't trying yet" Shortly after I excused myself because I just needed to take a breath of fresh air since I was completely shocked and overwhelmed by the situation.

What bothered me the most is that of ALL the people in R's family HE should have been sensitive after all his SISTER just adopted and battled IF for 10 years! Ten years and he didn't learn to be sensitive to her feelings. Good grief!!!

As you can see R's family is a bunch of insensitive imbusauls! I have every right to hate them and never want to see them. R is of course very supportive of me not wanting to see them thankfully.

Sometimes I wish people had a little empathy button I could push or a mute button so that they wouldn't say mean and insensitive things.

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