There are days I don't appreciate my husband enough, in fact there are many days this happens. But not today. Today I re-picked up my book about working vs Stay at home moms. It is a collection of short stories, perfect for me who can get side tracked with something ever ten minutes. R and I lied in bed today, him on his computer, me in my book and just hung out. The book is really helping me pin point how R and I are going to do the whole working vs STA thing, in truth like the majority of moms I will be neither for now but that is a very different post.
So I am reading one of the stories and the writer talks about a conversation she has with her husband when their child is months old. He asks her "what would you do if something happened to our child and you weren't here" Her response is what mine would be basically she would deal with the situation, and he tells her he would never forgive her.
I looked at those words in the book and was immediately grateful for my husband. He will never expect me to give up the part of me that loves work, that loves school. He is 100% committed to being my partner and a 50/50 person in this relationship. He could never uter those words "never forgive you" for something not my fault, for something not in my control. And he wouldn't play that kind of mind game with me ever. Today I appreciate my partner, and am thankful for him. There is no one I would rather go down this road of parenthood and life with than him. R, I love you.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
A few favorite things
I had been planning a few f my favorite things list of baby items for a while. And after everyone's comments about my last post it seems like a good idea. In my defense I don't feel all doom and gloom all the time. I am excited and thrilled about being pg. Watching my belly move, which just started this week, has been amazing. Tonight R saw it move and his face lit up. He normally hides his emotions so this was a big joy for me. I can't believe the baby can make my belly move! How cool is that!?!
I am trying to enjoy each and every moment of this, I know it isn't going to last much longer and while we want more kids I am trying to live each day in the moment and enjoy it.
With that said here are a few of my favorite baby things:
Our nursary is done in a lamb theme due to my massive obsession with lambs. I think this makes a perfect addition, but R thinks it is ridiculous. Thankfully I have it on good athority I am getting it as a gift!
One thing I could never get DH on board with was a bugaboo stroller. Money was a sticking point for him and I understand that since they cost about 1,000 dollars once you get everything. In our family that is too much money for a stroller. After hours of research I found a stroller that is: more compact, folds easier, and is lighter plus costs less and has the same perks of the bugaboo. And while not a 'cheap' stroller at under 400 dollars it is much more reasonable. Introducing the Bumbleride Flyer:
If you plan on CD (cloth diapering) a must have is a stash of Bum Genius 3.0 They fit like a dream, have great obsorbancy, and grow with your child from 10 pounds to 35. I have 6 so far but am hoping to have 15 by the time the little one comes! At 18.95 a piece plus tax they aren't cheap! Thankfully since they grow with your child R has allowed this splurge.
And last but not least what lamb nursary would be complete without a sleep sheep. This little guy plays diffrent sounds to act as black noise to sooth and calm baby. And it is REALLY cute too! My friend and fellow blogger Ava bought it for me and it looks very cute in the crib.
I am trying to enjoy each and every moment of this, I know it isn't going to last much longer and while we want more kids I am trying to live each day in the moment and enjoy it.
With that said here are a few of my favorite baby things:
Our nursary is done in a lamb theme due to my massive obsession with lambs. I think this makes a perfect addition, but R thinks it is ridiculous. Thankfully I have it on good athority I am getting it as a gift!
One thing I could never get DH on board with was a bugaboo stroller. Money was a sticking point for him and I understand that since they cost about 1,000 dollars once you get everything. In our family that is too much money for a stroller. After hours of research I found a stroller that is: more compact, folds easier, and is lighter plus costs less and has the same perks of the bugaboo. And while not a 'cheap' stroller at under 400 dollars it is much more reasonable. Introducing the Bumbleride Flyer:
If you plan on CD (cloth diapering) a must have is a stash of Bum Genius 3.0 They fit like a dream, have great obsorbancy, and grow with your child from 10 pounds to 35. I have 6 so far but am hoping to have 15 by the time the little one comes! At 18.95 a piece plus tax they aren't cheap! Thankfully since they grow with your child R has allowed this splurge.
And last but not least what lamb nursary would be complete without a sleep sheep. This little guy plays diffrent sounds to act as black noise to sooth and calm baby. And it is REALLY cute too! My friend and fellow blogger Ava bought it for me and it looks very cute in the crib.
99 Days!
99 Days till my EDD. Not that this baby will be coming on January 1st, I still think I will go late but it is fun to think that in 99 days I could be a mom.
There are still days I have my worries, not about being a good parent but about having a healthy live baby. All the pg books talk about how now it should be getting real for me that I am going to have a baby and that I am going to be a parent. That it is normal to feel overwhelmed at that prospect, but I don't feel that way. I feel grateful for what has been given to me and scared it will be taken away. I don't worry about 3 am feedings or getting a date night with R. I am not worried about breastfeeding, or sleep issues, or colic. I can handle those things, I have a husband who is going to be a great parent, a mom who lives 2 miles away and can be here in 10 minutes if I need her, I have two good friends who are honorary Aunties and I know they will help me out if I need it, I have years as a nanny and a degree in child development. I should be able to handle the challenges of being a parent to a healthy newborn. People with much less have done it and been good parents so why wouldn't I be able to?
My worries revolve around fetal death and more recently infant death from things like SIDS. I found myself jealous the other day of a blogger whose son is home on a heart monitor, until I realized how LUCKY I would be to have a child who didn't need it. These aren't "normal" worries and I know it. My pg friends and nesties aren't concerned with these issues. The thought of fetal death hasn't crossed their mind until I have brought it up. It isn't that I think of these things a lot but sometimes I worry I think about them too much. Enough so that I am not enjoying this pg the way I should.
But I am enjoying it more and more now. Baby kicks all the time, and responds with movement when I talk to him/her in the am. We spend out mornings in the baby room eating breakfast in the rocker because I love being in there so much. I feel so blessed and lucky to be pg, to be healthy, to be having a healthy child. I am enjoying it, and I want to treasure the next 99 days. I want to hold onto the good parts of them and savor the moments of joy. As worried as I might be at times I am looking forward to being a mom. I can't wait to hold my baby in my arms, to watch his/her chest rise and fall with each breath, to watch my husband cry at the sight of our newborn. I am so excited for those moments! 99 more days...
There are still days I have my worries, not about being a good parent but about having a healthy live baby. All the pg books talk about how now it should be getting real for me that I am going to have a baby and that I am going to be a parent. That it is normal to feel overwhelmed at that prospect, but I don't feel that way. I feel grateful for what has been given to me and scared it will be taken away. I don't worry about 3 am feedings or getting a date night with R. I am not worried about breastfeeding, or sleep issues, or colic. I can handle those things, I have a husband who is going to be a great parent, a mom who lives 2 miles away and can be here in 10 minutes if I need her, I have two good friends who are honorary Aunties and I know they will help me out if I need it, I have years as a nanny and a degree in child development. I should be able to handle the challenges of being a parent to a healthy newborn. People with much less have done it and been good parents so why wouldn't I be able to?
My worries revolve around fetal death and more recently infant death from things like SIDS. I found myself jealous the other day of a blogger whose son is home on a heart monitor, until I realized how LUCKY I would be to have a child who didn't need it. These aren't "normal" worries and I know it. My pg friends and nesties aren't concerned with these issues. The thought of fetal death hasn't crossed their mind until I have brought it up. It isn't that I think of these things a lot but sometimes I worry I think about them too much. Enough so that I am not enjoying this pg the way I should.
But I am enjoying it more and more now. Baby kicks all the time, and responds with movement when I talk to him/her in the am. We spend out mornings in the baby room eating breakfast in the rocker because I love being in there so much. I feel so blessed and lucky to be pg, to be healthy, to be having a healthy child. I am enjoying it, and I want to treasure the next 99 days. I want to hold onto the good parts of them and savor the moments of joy. As worried as I might be at times I am looking forward to being a mom. I can't wait to hold my baby in my arms, to watch his/her chest rise and fall with each breath, to watch my husband cry at the sight of our newborn. I am so excited for those moments! 99 more days...
Monday, September 22, 2008
OMG I agre with a conservitive!
This rarely happens to me but today I came across an article written by a conservative and I actually agree with him, rather than "I see your point but disagree" which is normally what happens.
Here is the article:
http://www.dmagazine.com/ME2/dirmod.asp?nm=Core+Pages&type=gen&mod=Core+Pages&tier=3&gid=B33A5C6E2CF04C9596A3EF81822D9F8E
Here is the article:
http://www.dmagazine.com/ME2/dirmod.asp?nm=Core+Pages&type=gen&mod=Core+Pages&tier=3&gid=B33A5C6E2CF04C9596A3EF81822D9F8E
Friday, September 19, 2008
25 Weeks!
I am 25 weeks today. Not much new going on with me and baby, both of us are doing fine. I am getting big enough that somethings are getting hard to do, things like tying my shoes. I however am not complaining, the baby kicks make up for it big time.
This weekend R and I have a lot planned: a date night, Bradley class, a MOM (mom of multiple) Garage Sale, Art and Wine Festival in my 'home town', SF friends coming over Sunday to help set up the nursery and for dinner.
This weekend R and I have a lot planned: a date night, Bradley class, a MOM (mom of multiple) Garage Sale, Art and Wine Festival in my 'home town', SF friends coming over Sunday to help set up the nursery and for dinner.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Woman of little Patience
I have little patience right now for my family, particularly my sister. She and her husband can't seem to get their act together unless everything is handed to them. I have said the words "I am done" many times in regards to them but I just can't ever tell them no. My sister and her husband refuse to put the kids in day care so that they can both work, but they can't make ends meet without both of them working. It is frustrating and once again I am running out of patience.
Today's Kicker:
My mom has her yearly vacation planned to start in a week but my sister's new training begins this week, and her hubby is still working his job thus my mom is taking care of the kids. My sister is expecting my mom to come home from vacation early so Mom can watch the kids and sis can work. Ummmm Anyone other than me think this is F.u.c.k.e.d up?
My mom is letting them live at her house no rent, no utilities and they still don't have enough money to pay their whole food bill so she helps out when they need it. She baby sits (and so do I) for free. She helps with the kids all day and night. The four year old sleeps in her bed so that my sis and her hubby can have their own room. It has gone beyond obsured at this point and yet nothing will change. I can tell my mom over and over again that letting them use her like this is crazy and that she is going to hurt herself working this hard (she is disabled already) but it doesn't change.
At some point I am going to have to say "I won't do this anymore" and that time is quickly approching, but for now I am stuck between helping out and hating myself for it or not helping out and feeling awful for letting down my family, and both choices blow.
Today's Kicker:
My mom has her yearly vacation planned to start in a week but my sister's new training begins this week, and her hubby is still working his job thus my mom is taking care of the kids. My sister is expecting my mom to come home from vacation early so Mom can watch the kids and sis can work. Ummmm Anyone other than me think this is F.u.c.k.e.d up?
My mom is letting them live at her house no rent, no utilities and they still don't have enough money to pay their whole food bill so she helps out when they need it. She baby sits (and so do I) for free. She helps with the kids all day and night. The four year old sleeps in her bed so that my sis and her hubby can have their own room. It has gone beyond obsured at this point and yet nothing will change. I can tell my mom over and over again that letting them use her like this is crazy and that she is going to hurt herself working this hard (she is disabled already) but it doesn't change.
At some point I am going to have to say "I won't do this anymore" and that time is quickly approching, but for now I am stuck between helping out and hating myself for it or not helping out and feeling awful for letting down my family, and both choices blow.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Recycle
Most people when they hear this word think plastic or glass bottles and paper but recently it has taken on a new meaning for me. Recently I have begun applying it to... surprise, surprise... baby items!
I have always thought children use things for way to short a time too buy new 'stuff' for each baby that comes into the world. My sister had three swings between her two kids at her house and for me that sounds crazy, even crazier given the size of our apartment. After two kids she has a plethora of "stuff" some of which she has given away but most of which sits up in storage above my mom's garage. My sis has been great about giving me some stuff, a boppy, a swing (although the crappiest of the three she has), a bouncer, a play mat and a few boxes of baby clothing not to mention a hell of a lot of maternity clothing. I am very thankful that I get to recycle these things for my child rather than them ending up in a land fill, and it means I don't have to spend money to buy them either. Other people in my family are horrified, put simply, all of R's family can't believe I don't want "new" stuff for my first baby.
The idea of receiving used gifts horrifies them and they can't believe that one of my favorite baby shops is a containment store. I will admit there are a few things where used will not do, the car seat and extra base but other than that I don't mind used. I have tried reasoning with them that it is a great way to shop on a budget given my 2nd favorite store is Gymboree. The money I save at the consignment store goes toward something new at Gymboree but they still can't wrap there heads around the idea that recycling is better than new. Isn't that sad? Now I love our consumerism society as much as the next 20 something girl but resources are running out. And contrary to what was shoved into my brain by TV and friends as a teen, lots of stuff doesn't equal happiness.
Yes I L>O>V>E my 'new' Petunia Pickle Bottom Diaper bag! I love that it matches my stroller and that it holds 3 bottles at a time BUT what I love most about it is that I found it for 50$ in excellent used condition. More than I love the bag I love the extra 100 bucks sitting in my bank account because I found it used. I got what I want, didn't make R gasp at the price tag AND that bag didn't end up in the trash. WIN WIN WIN! How can you argue with that?
I understand this isn't everyone's cup of tea and it does take some getting used to but try it and you might be surprised. I like carrying my heavy wallet in my new bag and I think you might like that feeling too.
I have always thought children use things for way to short a time too buy new 'stuff' for each baby that comes into the world. My sister had three swings between her two kids at her house and for me that sounds crazy, even crazier given the size of our apartment. After two kids she has a plethora of "stuff" some of which she has given away but most of which sits up in storage above my mom's garage. My sis has been great about giving me some stuff, a boppy, a swing (although the crappiest of the three she has), a bouncer, a play mat and a few boxes of baby clothing not to mention a hell of a lot of maternity clothing. I am very thankful that I get to recycle these things for my child rather than them ending up in a land fill, and it means I don't have to spend money to buy them either. Other people in my family are horrified, put simply, all of R's family can't believe I don't want "new" stuff for my first baby.
The idea of receiving used gifts horrifies them and they can't believe that one of my favorite baby shops is a containment store. I will admit there are a few things where used will not do, the car seat and extra base but other than that I don't mind used. I have tried reasoning with them that it is a great way to shop on a budget given my 2nd favorite store is Gymboree. The money I save at the consignment store goes toward something new at Gymboree but they still can't wrap there heads around the idea that recycling is better than new. Isn't that sad? Now I love our consumerism society as much as the next 20 something girl but resources are running out. And contrary to what was shoved into my brain by TV and friends as a teen, lots of stuff doesn't equal happiness.
Yes I L>O>V>E my 'new' Petunia Pickle Bottom Diaper bag! I love that it matches my stroller and that it holds 3 bottles at a time BUT what I love most about it is that I found it for 50$ in excellent used condition. More than I love the bag I love the extra 100 bucks sitting in my bank account because I found it used. I got what I want, didn't make R gasp at the price tag AND that bag didn't end up in the trash. WIN WIN WIN! How can you argue with that?
I understand this isn't everyone's cup of tea and it does take some getting used to but try it and you might be surprised. I like carrying my heavy wallet in my new bag and I think you might like that feeling too.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
My Birth "plan"
Since my post about going med-free got so many responses about being open to change or things not going as planned I thought you all deserved an update.
For those of you who don't know Bradley classes are 2.5 hours long once a week for 12 weeks, yes 12 weeks. In those 12 weeks we cover everything from nutrition to stages of birth to labor techniques to info on interventions (pitocin, water bag breaking, all the way to c-section).
I have had three classes so far and already am amazed at how little I will be able to "plan" surrounding the birth of my baby. I am realizing that birth is going to a lot like parenting will be. Both of them will be like playing a hard card game: you can chose how to play the cards you are dealt, but you don't get to chose the cards, AND every 5 seconds a stretching BEEP is going to go off in your head to ruin your concentration. In the case of labor you are also going to be an emotional mess.
To be honest it doesn't sound like much fun, and a csection does sound a hell of a lot easier BUT I also know my body was meant to do this. Generations of women have done this before me and I look forward to pushing my body to the edge of it's limit and seeing what I am capable off. Of course the moment my baby is in trouble we will do what ever necessary to have a healthy baby. I always feel like that goes without saying. I would NEVER NEVER do anything harmful to this baby, but isn't that also why I don't want the interventions.
What I don't think my last post on the subject conveyed to my readers is that I am well aware of both sides of this debate over natural births. I am well aware that we have interventions to save lives of both the mother and the child, and I am also aware that those interventions are at times used for convince rather than medical necessity. This is why I think education about labor and interventions is so important. I would never expect to learn the same amount of info in 12 weeks of class than a Dr does in school, residency and possibly years on the job. But I also would never receive any treatment by a Dr without research first. In labor there will be no time for research, and so the research must begin now.
For me empowerment = education and I want to feel empowered by the birth of my child. I don't want to be scared during labor and delivery, I want to know what is going on, to know what is happening inside me and outside of me. If I am all drugged up how will I hear what my body is telling me is going on? I need to be as aware as possible during it so that I can focus on what needs to happen.
I am looking forward to preparing a birth plan that will fly out the window the moment the roller coaster takes off. I look forward to the roller coaster and that when the ride stops my life will have forever changed and I will be a mom.
For those of you who don't know Bradley classes are 2.5 hours long once a week for 12 weeks, yes 12 weeks. In those 12 weeks we cover everything from nutrition to stages of birth to labor techniques to info on interventions (pitocin, water bag breaking, all the way to c-section).
I have had three classes so far and already am amazed at how little I will be able to "plan" surrounding the birth of my baby. I am realizing that birth is going to a lot like parenting will be. Both of them will be like playing a hard card game: you can chose how to play the cards you are dealt, but you don't get to chose the cards, AND every 5 seconds a stretching BEEP is going to go off in your head to ruin your concentration. In the case of labor you are also going to be an emotional mess.
To be honest it doesn't sound like much fun, and a csection does sound a hell of a lot easier BUT I also know my body was meant to do this. Generations of women have done this before me and I look forward to pushing my body to the edge of it's limit and seeing what I am capable off. Of course the moment my baby is in trouble we will do what ever necessary to have a healthy baby. I always feel like that goes without saying. I would NEVER NEVER do anything harmful to this baby, but isn't that also why I don't want the interventions.
What I don't think my last post on the subject conveyed to my readers is that I am well aware of both sides of this debate over natural births. I am well aware that we have interventions to save lives of both the mother and the child, and I am also aware that those interventions are at times used for convince rather than medical necessity. This is why I think education about labor and interventions is so important. I would never expect to learn the same amount of info in 12 weeks of class than a Dr does in school, residency and possibly years on the job. But I also would never receive any treatment by a Dr without research first. In labor there will be no time for research, and so the research must begin now.
For me empowerment = education and I want to feel empowered by the birth of my child. I don't want to be scared during labor and delivery, I want to know what is going on, to know what is happening inside me and outside of me. If I am all drugged up how will I hear what my body is telling me is going on? I need to be as aware as possible during it so that I can focus on what needs to happen.
I am looking forward to preparing a birth plan that will fly out the window the moment the roller coaster takes off. I look forward to the roller coaster and that when the ride stops my life will have forever changed and I will be a mom.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Today is....
VIABILITY DAY!
Today is the first day that if I went into labor and had to deliver my Drs would do everything in their power to save baby. ((((sigh))))) I am so happy this day is here.
That said baby is under strict orders to stay inside and grow and grow and grow for another 14 weeks. Mommy wants a healthy full term live baby! Amazingly I feel fairly good about actually making it to full term, it no longer seems like a pipe dream with little chance of happening. Of course I am still nervous about it all. I worry like any mother-to-be does who has an anxiety disorder and knows the risks and complications that can occur even in "normal" healthy women, which I guess is to say I worry a lot.
I am reminded today of my sister's first pg. I remember like it was yesterday her getting to 24 weeks and me being so excited about the baby being viable. She was high risk from the start and prior to conception they gave her a 25% chance of her losing the baby at any time in pg. I remember the conversation like it was yesterday me congratulating her on making it to such an important day and her dashing my hopes saying that she wouldn't want them to perform life saving measures on my nephew at this point. I was devastated! I had no idea how she and her partner could make a choice like that. But now I more fully understand. It is not the choice R and I would make, but it is one we understand.
The last 24 weeks have been wonderful and I am really looking forward to what else pg brings. I am truly enjoying it, even with the nervous moments and anxiously awaiting today. I promise to make R take a belly pic tonight so I can share it with you guys. My belly is more round now and everyone who guesses gender thinks it is a girl. Other than that nothing new to report, so happy viability day my baby! May you have many many more healthy weeks inside me.
Today is the first day that if I went into labor and had to deliver my Drs would do everything in their power to save baby. ((((sigh))))) I am so happy this day is here.
That said baby is under strict orders to stay inside and grow and grow and grow for another 14 weeks. Mommy wants a healthy full term live baby! Amazingly I feel fairly good about actually making it to full term, it no longer seems like a pipe dream with little chance of happening. Of course I am still nervous about it all. I worry like any mother-to-be does who has an anxiety disorder and knows the risks and complications that can occur even in "normal" healthy women, which I guess is to say I worry a lot.
I am reminded today of my sister's first pg. I remember like it was yesterday her getting to 24 weeks and me being so excited about the baby being viable. She was high risk from the start and prior to conception they gave her a 25% chance of her losing the baby at any time in pg. I remember the conversation like it was yesterday me congratulating her on making it to such an important day and her dashing my hopes saying that she wouldn't want them to perform life saving measures on my nephew at this point. I was devastated! I had no idea how she and her partner could make a choice like that. But now I more fully understand. It is not the choice R and I would make, but it is one we understand.
The last 24 weeks have been wonderful and I am really looking forward to what else pg brings. I am truly enjoying it, even with the nervous moments and anxiously awaiting today. I promise to make R take a belly pic tonight so I can share it with you guys. My belly is more round now and everyone who guesses gender thinks it is a girl. Other than that nothing new to report, so happy viability day my baby! May you have many many more healthy weeks inside me.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
6 Random things about.....
R!
I have been tagged to do 6 random things about me but instead want to do them about R. I figure given how many times I have been tagged in the past it would be cool with kid for a kid if I did it about him.
6 Random things about R:
1) R is the youngest. He has an older brother and an older step-sister, who his dad then adopted as an adult.
2) Each of R's parents, step parents and such have been married THREE times! I find that so weird and very scary. We are very much hoping to break that trend.
3)R works for a company just about all of you have heard of, and he does IT admin for them. In other words his job is to make the computers talk to each other. He loves it and hates it but he is good at it.
4) R comes from a military background, his dad served as did his grandfather and uncles and so did R during the Clinton Era, although he was still "in" the military during 9-11 and Afghanistan he was never called (thank god). He got out a month into our relationship and I am thankful he won't be returning to that life even though I know at times he misses it.
5) R has no sense of rhythm, he is a white boy who can't dance. We joke about it all the time. Yet as bad of a dancer as he is, I love to slow dance with him.
6) He hates my blogging. He doesn't understand my need to share our life with the world and he worries a lot about the info I post on here. He would never tell me to stop it though
Oh but wait I have been tagged by Littly Moneky too. But there is an issue with that. Little Money: I can't find your blog. I don't know what kind of tag we are playing; is it a meme or 6 random things or something else? For now I am going to assume it is a 6 random things. If it isn't please let me know and I will join what ever kind of tag it is.
6 Random things about my average day:
1) I try and go through all my blogs at least once to see if there are any new posts. I don't believe in google reader since it doesn't pick up on blogs that are password protected.
2)I drink 2 -4 glasses of milk a day. I love it! It is good for baby and since it is non-fat it isn't too bad for me either.
3) I call R at work almost as soon as I am up. I just started this recently and so far we both really like it. It gives us a chance to connect in the am since he is often (always) gone before I get up.
4) Kegals, squats, tailor sitting, and pelvic rocking are daily exercises for me, and come highly recommended by Dr. Bradley for a healthy pg and a healthy birth.
5)Work on the soon to be baby room which was once a junk room. I am actually starting to make some real progress in there. A huge feat considering R won't help me at all. He says he will help but we have been living here for over a year and he only goes in there to open the window to vent the house or for food or litter for the girls.
6) A nap! Most days this just means 30 minutes in bed relaxing by reading or loving a cat, but yesterday I slept in till 9 am went back to sleep at 11am, woke up at 2pm was back in bed at 4 and got up at 5:30. I feel great today and think my body just really needed the rest.
Now as for who I am tagging:
Awaiting Baby
Beth and Brian
Echloe
Amy
Mary
I have been tagged to do 6 random things about me but instead want to do them about R. I figure given how many times I have been tagged in the past it would be cool with kid for a kid if I did it about him.
6 Random things about R:
1) R is the youngest. He has an older brother and an older step-sister, who his dad then adopted as an adult.
2) Each of R's parents, step parents and such have been married THREE times! I find that so weird and very scary. We are very much hoping to break that trend.
3)R works for a company just about all of you have heard of, and he does IT admin for them. In other words his job is to make the computers talk to each other. He loves it and hates it but he is good at it.
4) R comes from a military background, his dad served as did his grandfather and uncles and so did R during the Clinton Era, although he was still "in" the military during 9-11 and Afghanistan he was never called (thank god). He got out a month into our relationship and I am thankful he won't be returning to that life even though I know at times he misses it.
5) R has no sense of rhythm, he is a white boy who can't dance. We joke about it all the time. Yet as bad of a dancer as he is, I love to slow dance with him.
6) He hates my blogging. He doesn't understand my need to share our life with the world and he worries a lot about the info I post on here. He would never tell me to stop it though
Oh but wait I have been tagged by Littly Moneky too. But there is an issue with that. Little Money: I can't find your blog. I don't know what kind of tag we are playing; is it a meme or 6 random things or something else? For now I am going to assume it is a 6 random things. If it isn't please let me know and I will join what ever kind of tag it is.
6 Random things about my average day:
1) I try and go through all my blogs at least once to see if there are any new posts. I don't believe in google reader since it doesn't pick up on blogs that are password protected.
2)I drink 2 -4 glasses of milk a day. I love it! It is good for baby and since it is non-fat it isn't too bad for me either.
3) I call R at work almost as soon as I am up. I just started this recently and so far we both really like it. It gives us a chance to connect in the am since he is often (always) gone before I get up.
4) Kegals, squats, tailor sitting, and pelvic rocking are daily exercises for me, and come highly recommended by Dr. Bradley for a healthy pg and a healthy birth.
5)Work on the soon to be baby room which was once a junk room. I am actually starting to make some real progress in there. A huge feat considering R won't help me at all. He says he will help but we have been living here for over a year and he only goes in there to open the window to vent the house or for food or litter for the girls.
6) A nap! Most days this just means 30 minutes in bed relaxing by reading or loving a cat, but yesterday I slept in till 9 am went back to sleep at 11am, woke up at 2pm was back in bed at 4 and got up at 5:30. I feel great today and think my body just really needed the rest.
Now as for who I am tagging:
Awaiting Baby
Beth and Brian
Echloe
Amy
Mary
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Marraige
Earlier this year things were not very good with R. It wasn't that our relationship was in shambles. We have always loved and adored each other, but our communication wasn't great and both of us felt like we were always stuck between a hard place and a rock. In February, March and some of April we took a communication class through our insurance. It was possibly the best 200 dollars we ever spent. We learned a lot not just about ourselves, but about communication, what is important in a relationship and about what we both need as a couple to feel secure and safe.
We worked on talking and listening to each other about money, family, infertility, and so much more. Remember the post where I talked about having to chose between R and my mom? I can confidently say that now I will never have to make that choice. All three of us have worked really hard to make boundaries and a support system for everyone, so that we are all working together. So much has changed from then I hardly recognize the snuggly couple we have become, or rather reverted back to, since we were like this at the beginning of the relationship too.
We both understand that there are bumps in our path of life, and relationship but the way we view and handle the bumps is more of a team effort. We both feel a lot less stressed because we handle issues together. It is a huge change from the couple we once were.
This isn't to say we don't argue about things or occasionally fight but for the most part we are able to handle our disagreements through open communication, no tears, no screaming/yelling, and at the end we both feel as though we have "won". I always thought compromise had to be about giving in. Now I have learned that it is about seeing "winning" as what is best for us both, not just me.
All around me I am watching couples I love struggle, they fight over the stupid things, or don't talk at all or even agree on doing something one way and then do it the way "they" wanted instead. It is heartbreaking to watch, knowing that just 6 months ago we were in the same place, knowing how much better things can be with just 200 dollars spent on a 10 week course and a lot of effort.
Marriage is hard work, and sometimes it does suck but it doesn't have to. Some good skills can make it suck a lot less. So if you are reading this and have been thinking about talking to your partner about a communication class, stop thinking about it and do it. It doesn't cure the issues but it will give you the tools to do so.
We worked on talking and listening to each other about money, family, infertility, and so much more. Remember the post where I talked about having to chose between R and my mom? I can confidently say that now I will never have to make that choice. All three of us have worked really hard to make boundaries and a support system for everyone, so that we are all working together. So much has changed from then I hardly recognize the snuggly couple we have become, or rather reverted back to, since we were like this at the beginning of the relationship too.
We both understand that there are bumps in our path of life, and relationship but the way we view and handle the bumps is more of a team effort. We both feel a lot less stressed because we handle issues together. It is a huge change from the couple we once were.
This isn't to say we don't argue about things or occasionally fight but for the most part we are able to handle our disagreements through open communication, no tears, no screaming/yelling, and at the end we both feel as though we have "won". I always thought compromise had to be about giving in. Now I have learned that it is about seeing "winning" as what is best for us both, not just me.
All around me I am watching couples I love struggle, they fight over the stupid things, or don't talk at all or even agree on doing something one way and then do it the way "they" wanted instead. It is heartbreaking to watch, knowing that just 6 months ago we were in the same place, knowing how much better things can be with just 200 dollars spent on a 10 week course and a lot of effort.
Marriage is hard work, and sometimes it does suck but it doesn't have to. Some good skills can make it suck a lot less. So if you are reading this and have been thinking about talking to your partner about a communication class, stop thinking about it and do it. It doesn't cure the issues but it will give you the tools to do so.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Weeks 22 and 23
Not sure if anyone noticed but I never posted last week baby update. I wrote it, and then forgot to post it. So today you are getting both. No belly pics though, since you got lots of pics earlier in the week but I do promise some for next week. I feel like I am changing a lot now and need to track the growth so keeping you guys up to date will be a good excuse.
22 Weeks
This weekend R felt the baby kick! Sunday am he put his hand on my belly to say good morning and baby let out a BIG kick! R had felt a flutter or two last week but he kept asking if I was sure that was the baby. This time he knew it was!
I have always disliked maternity stores, some how even now I feel like I still don't belong there. Yes I am 21 weeks pg or about 5 months along BUT I don't feel "big" enough yet to belong. R has to convince me I do before we go in, he still has to tell me we can leave at any time. On Sunday I was hoping to buy a new pair of capries, the sales lady was acting all helpful until I mentioned my growing bump then she tells me "just wait till you are 4 or 5 months along and you will really pop!" My reaction "I am 21 weeks!” I hate being told I look small, it is almost worse than being told I look big. So save yourself the trouble and just tell me I look great. In fact I think that advice works for when talking to all pg ladies.
This week has also marked my body in a new way. I am receiving my first few pg stretch marks. I have some from before so I don’t think they are too awful and with time they will fade. I knew I was bound to get them, genetically I was destined for them.
There was a heat wave this week. The pool became my new best friend, sorry Shan. I got in it a few times just to cool off and try and beat the heat a little. My legs still look ghostly white even though it is about to be September, but at least they didn’t burn this year, yet.
I talked to my Dr about my blood pressure because it is easily changed by my salt intake and always has been. We decided no more French Fries, and that I need to watch my salt intake. He didn’t give me a range to stay under which is nice in a way, it means I don’t have to obsess about it. It was the only thing he said I need to be concerned about so far. I knew this would be a concern for my Dr. Luckily I have a home blood pressure monitor and can take it daily. On average it has been 90/54, which is really really good! He also said that no matter what my blood pressure does no traveling more than an hour away after Thanksgiving, or even for Thanksgiving. Thank GOD Shannon and Holly live 55 minutes away!!! I think I would die if I couldn’t go visit them! This won’t get me out of Thanksgiving or Christmas with the in-laws, sadly.
23 Weeks
Just one more week to viability! I am still quite nervous about making it to viability and then making it to the point where little one has a good chance of meaningful survival (around 28 weeks). I am still saying things like “If we make it full term” even though my Dr sees no reason I won’t make it to full term. I still feel like I have the ability to jinx this, as if admitting that we might get a live healthy newborn out loud, or even just on this blog, makes it more likely for the higher powers-that-be to snatch it away. I recognize that this isn’t healthy but I still feel this way at times. Much less than before but still the feeling is there at times
I am back to having nightmares again. They all end with dead babies in my arms, this is probably the reason I am so on edge about viability. Last night I had a particularly horrible one, when R got up, about an hour before I normally do, I made him get me the doppler so I could use it. I found baby right away and then quickly went back to sleep.
I have finally started on the nursery! This week I went through my 2nd closet the one I will need to give up for the baby and took out anything I hadn’t worn in a year. Would you believe that is two boxes worth of clothing!?! We still have a lot to do but we have a plan now. My desk is coming out into the living room and his table of crap is going into storage. My scrap booking stuff is going into the closet, on the left side where there won’t be much baby clothing. This should make the room quite empty, or at least empty enough to paint!
22 Weeks
This weekend R felt the baby kick! Sunday am he put his hand on my belly to say good morning and baby let out a BIG kick! R had felt a flutter or two last week but he kept asking if I was sure that was the baby. This time he knew it was!
I have always disliked maternity stores, some how even now I feel like I still don't belong there. Yes I am 21 weeks pg or about 5 months along BUT I don't feel "big" enough yet to belong. R has to convince me I do before we go in, he still has to tell me we can leave at any time. On Sunday I was hoping to buy a new pair of capries, the sales lady was acting all helpful until I mentioned my growing bump then she tells me "just wait till you are 4 or 5 months along and you will really pop!" My reaction "I am 21 weeks!” I hate being told I look small, it is almost worse than being told I look big. So save yourself the trouble and just tell me I look great. In fact I think that advice works for when talking to all pg ladies.
This week has also marked my body in a new way. I am receiving my first few pg stretch marks. I have some from before so I don’t think they are too awful and with time they will fade. I knew I was bound to get them, genetically I was destined for them.
There was a heat wave this week. The pool became my new best friend, sorry Shan. I got in it a few times just to cool off and try and beat the heat a little. My legs still look ghostly white even though it is about to be September, but at least they didn’t burn this year, yet.
I talked to my Dr about my blood pressure because it is easily changed by my salt intake and always has been. We decided no more French Fries, and that I need to watch my salt intake. He didn’t give me a range to stay under which is nice in a way, it means I don’t have to obsess about it. It was the only thing he said I need to be concerned about so far. I knew this would be a concern for my Dr. Luckily I have a home blood pressure monitor and can take it daily. On average it has been 90/54, which is really really good! He also said that no matter what my blood pressure does no traveling more than an hour away after Thanksgiving, or even for Thanksgiving. Thank GOD Shannon and Holly live 55 minutes away!!! I think I would die if I couldn’t go visit them! This won’t get me out of Thanksgiving or Christmas with the in-laws, sadly.
23 Weeks
Just one more week to viability! I am still quite nervous about making it to viability and then making it to the point where little one has a good chance of meaningful survival (around 28 weeks). I am still saying things like “If we make it full term” even though my Dr sees no reason I won’t make it to full term. I still feel like I have the ability to jinx this, as if admitting that we might get a live healthy newborn out loud, or even just on this blog, makes it more likely for the higher powers-that-be to snatch it away. I recognize that this isn’t healthy but I still feel this way at times. Much less than before but still the feeling is there at times
I am back to having nightmares again. They all end with dead babies in my arms, this is probably the reason I am so on edge about viability. Last night I had a particularly horrible one, when R got up, about an hour before I normally do, I made him get me the doppler so I could use it. I found baby right away and then quickly went back to sleep.
I have finally started on the nursery! This week I went through my 2nd closet the one I will need to give up for the baby and took out anything I hadn’t worn in a year. Would you believe that is two boxes worth of clothing!?! We still have a lot to do but we have a plan now. My desk is coming out into the living room and his table of crap is going into storage. My scrap booking stuff is going into the closet, on the left side where there won’t be much baby clothing. This should make the room quite empty, or at least empty enough to paint!
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Bradley Method as a recovery from IF
A fellow nestie asked me about the HSG today. I went though my blog and found the post about it to send her the link. I read it and just wanted to weep. It seems so long ago and yet so close. As I read the post for the first time maybe since writing it, I could remember the highway we got lost on, remember feeling sick, and the cherry blossoms on the trees. The emotions of IF never leave me, they are always there under the surface, ready to burst out when I least expect them to.
Tomorrow is our first Bradley birth class and while I feel prepared for the class, a part of me can't believe it is time to take it. I have always wanted a med free birth, the not med free conception didn't change that, but it has changed they way I look at birth a lot. A drug free birth has always been a little about proving I could do it, that has increased since IF. I want my body to do this so bad so that I can regain faith in it. It is like I NEED my body to give vaginal unassisted birth to a healthy baby in order to survive. I feel that strongly about it now. Why is so hard to explain but I will try.
Before infertility I could do anything if I tried and worked hard enough. Getting pg on my own was my first adult failure. I don't like failure and more so I didn't like not being able to control my body. My mom jokes at times that the reason the meds worked was because I was finally some what in control and thus more "relaxed". I don't think she remembers how stressed I was that cycle. Her surgery being the day of my IUI, I think she is a little hazy on the details.
I know I can't control giving birth, just like I couldn't control getting pregnant, and thus it becomes even more important in my mind for things to go the way I have "planned" them. I am sure God is looking down on me laughing at the moment, him not being a fan of us planning things he is more in control of than us. But I like to think he will give me this, that he says "things will go the way they are meant to be in your birth but if you lean on me, get strength from me, then you will have the birth you want".
And so tomorrow we take a class to help us gather our strength in preparation of birth, and to class I will be taking my strength and faith but I will also be gathering up the emotions infertility has left me with: the pain, the self doubt and the fear, that any second it might all be gone. I would love to rid myself of all those emotions, of the pain so close I feel like the HSG was just yesterday, but I know those emotions will never be gone. My hope is that I will be able to use the emotions of fear to my advantage and that would be a big step.
Tomorrow is our first Bradley birth class and while I feel prepared for the class, a part of me can't believe it is time to take it. I have always wanted a med free birth, the not med free conception didn't change that, but it has changed they way I look at birth a lot. A drug free birth has always been a little about proving I could do it, that has increased since IF. I want my body to do this so bad so that I can regain faith in it. It is like I NEED my body to give vaginal unassisted birth to a healthy baby in order to survive. I feel that strongly about it now. Why is so hard to explain but I will try.
Before infertility I could do anything if I tried and worked hard enough. Getting pg on my own was my first adult failure. I don't like failure and more so I didn't like not being able to control my body. My mom jokes at times that the reason the meds worked was because I was finally some what in control and thus more "relaxed". I don't think she remembers how stressed I was that cycle. Her surgery being the day of my IUI, I think she is a little hazy on the details.
I know I can't control giving birth, just like I couldn't control getting pregnant, and thus it becomes even more important in my mind for things to go the way I have "planned" them. I am sure God is looking down on me laughing at the moment, him not being a fan of us planning things he is more in control of than us. But I like to think he will give me this, that he says "things will go the way they are meant to be in your birth but if you lean on me, get strength from me, then you will have the birth you want".
And so tomorrow we take a class to help us gather our strength in preparation of birth, and to class I will be taking my strength and faith but I will also be gathering up the emotions infertility has left me with: the pain, the self doubt and the fear, that any second it might all be gone. I would love to rid myself of all those emotions, of the pain so close I feel like the HSG was just yesterday, but I know those emotions will never be gone. My hope is that I will be able to use the emotions of fear to my advantage and that would be a big step.
Monday, September 1, 2008
Highs and Lows of Wedding Weekend
There is a 'full' wedding recap below this post (including a belly pic!), this one is just the highs and lows. Lets start with a little Awing, then do a two vents then Aw again. Sound good? Then lets go...
First AW:
I took a bunch of great photos this weekend. I played with the settings on my C.a.nn.o.n P.ower.sh.ot and got some nice shots. Nothing like "professional" ones but pretty good for me. Here are a few of my favorites:
The little girl in the last one was a flower girl, she is also R's cousins oldest. Isn't she CUTE!?!
Now my first vent:
I haven't had much experience with unwanted belly touching till this weekend. Sure R touches my belly and so do my friends but they all have fairly open invitations to do so. Other people I prefer ask and I ALWAYS say yes. I just like to be prepared that my body is about to be touched, seems like a reasonable request to me but R's mom, G disagrees. She gave me a big hug and proceeded to rub the belly. I very nicely asked her to please ask before touching my belly and she says to my belly "Can Grandma give you a rub, yes she can any time she wants." Ryon nicely stepped in and said "mom she means you need to ask HER". G didn't listen but it was the first time in a long time R has stood up to a parent in my defense. It felt nice. She continued to try and rub my belly without asking all weekend, but each time she did so without asking I simply moved out of reach. By the last day she had gotten the idea and finally asked before rubbing. Who says and old dog can't learn new tricks?
Vent Two:
Since we were staying in a separate hotel all weekend it was easy to avoid most family before the wedding, including R's dad, P. I even lucked out and was able to passively ignore him almost the whole wedding, until he approached me (R said hello to him right after the reception). It felt good to make him come to me. We chatted for a second I told him what a beautiful wedding it was, how happy we were for the couple and did NOT mention the u/s pics in my purse, he had seen me showing a few people but R and I were admit that he should ask to see them. The he finally brought it up, the baby, that is. The baby which he still hasn't congratulated me for. He told R and I he didn't want to know the gender. i said that was fine for now, since we don't know either, but that we did plan on finding out and then announcing gender at the shower. He asked us not too, something I don't feel is his place, but R and I simply said we would do what we could to keep him from finding out but that shower participants would be finding out.
R and I agree that he did this as a way to try and control the situation. He can't control that we are pregnant or what month the baby is born or even gender, so he is going to try to control when he finds out the gender. Fine by me but that doesn't mean I am not telling other family and friends! Since R convinced me one big shower would be better than two tiny ones, his family is invited to "my" shower. This means his family will find out with mine what we are having, something I am excited about doing! So P will just have to find a way to keep his ears from hearing the gender news from October 5th (shower day) till the baby comes some time around Jan 1st 2009. R and I agree we can keep the secret and not let it slip in front of him, can the rest of the family? I don't know but I refuse to keep the gender a secret from everyone simply because Grandpa, who isn't happy about baby in the first place, doesn't want to know gender till birth!
My Aw:
I may have the best partner on EARTH! He was great this weekend. Stood up to his mom, saw that his dad was trying to be in control, kept certain "people" as far away from me as he could and was supportive the whole weekend. I love that man!
First AW:
I took a bunch of great photos this weekend. I played with the settings on my C.a.nn.o.n P.ower.sh.ot and got some nice shots. Nothing like "professional" ones but pretty good for me. Here are a few of my favorites:
The little girl in the last one was a flower girl, she is also R's cousins oldest. Isn't she CUTE!?!
Now my first vent:
I haven't had much experience with unwanted belly touching till this weekend. Sure R touches my belly and so do my friends but they all have fairly open invitations to do so. Other people I prefer ask and I ALWAYS say yes. I just like to be prepared that my body is about to be touched, seems like a reasonable request to me but R's mom, G disagrees. She gave me a big hug and proceeded to rub the belly. I very nicely asked her to please ask before touching my belly and she says to my belly "Can Grandma give you a rub, yes she can any time she wants." Ryon nicely stepped in and said "mom she means you need to ask HER". G didn't listen but it was the first time in a long time R has stood up to a parent in my defense. It felt nice. She continued to try and rub my belly without asking all weekend, but each time she did so without asking I simply moved out of reach. By the last day she had gotten the idea and finally asked before rubbing. Who says and old dog can't learn new tricks?
Vent Two:
Since we were staying in a separate hotel all weekend it was easy to avoid most family before the wedding, including R's dad, P. I even lucked out and was able to passively ignore him almost the whole wedding, until he approached me (R said hello to him right after the reception). It felt good to make him come to me. We chatted for a second I told him what a beautiful wedding it was, how happy we were for the couple and did NOT mention the u/s pics in my purse, he had seen me showing a few people but R and I were admit that he should ask to see them. The he finally brought it up, the baby, that is. The baby which he still hasn't congratulated me for. He told R and I he didn't want to know the gender. i said that was fine for now, since we don't know either, but that we did plan on finding out and then announcing gender at the shower. He asked us not too, something I don't feel is his place, but R and I simply said we would do what we could to keep him from finding out but that shower participants would be finding out.
R and I agree that he did this as a way to try and control the situation. He can't control that we are pregnant or what month the baby is born or even gender, so he is going to try to control when he finds out the gender. Fine by me but that doesn't mean I am not telling other family and friends! Since R convinced me one big shower would be better than two tiny ones, his family is invited to "my" shower. This means his family will find out with mine what we are having, something I am excited about doing! So P will just have to find a way to keep his ears from hearing the gender news from October 5th (shower day) till the baby comes some time around Jan 1st 2009. R and I agree we can keep the secret and not let it slip in front of him, can the rest of the family? I don't know but I refuse to keep the gender a secret from everyone simply because Grandpa, who isn't happy about baby in the first place, doesn't want to know gender till birth!
My Aw:
I may have the best partner on EARTH! He was great this weekend. Stood up to his mom, saw that his dad was trying to be in control, kept certain "people" as far away from me as he could and was supportive the whole weekend. I love that man!
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