Saturday, September 6, 2008


Earlier this year things were not very good with R. It wasn't that our relationship was in shambles. We have always loved and adored each other, but our communication wasn't great and both of us felt like we were always stuck between a hard place and a rock. In February, March and some of April we took a communication class through our insurance. It was possibly the best 200 dollars we ever spent. We learned a lot not just about ourselves, but about communication, what is important in a relationship and about what we both need as a couple to feel secure and safe.

We worked on talking and listening to each other about money, family, infertility, and so much more. Remember the post where I talked about having to chose between R and my mom? I can confidently say that now I will never have to make that choice. All three of us have worked really hard to make boundaries and a support system for everyone, so that we are all working together. So much has changed from then I hardly recognize the snuggly couple we have become, or rather reverted back to, since we were like this at the beginning of the relationship too.

We both understand that there are bumps in our path of life, and relationship but the way we view and handle the bumps is more of a team effort. We both feel a lot less stressed because we handle issues together. It is a huge change from the couple we once were.

This isn't to say we don't argue about things or occasionally fight but for the most part we are able to handle our disagreements through open communication, no tears, no screaming/yelling, and at the end we both feel as though we have "won". I always thought compromise had to be about giving in. Now I have learned that it is about seeing "winning" as what is best for us both, not just me.

All around me I am watching couples I love struggle, they fight over the stupid things, or don't talk at all or even agree on doing something one way and then do it the way "they" wanted instead. It is heartbreaking to watch, knowing that just 6 months ago we were in the same place, knowing how much better things can be with just 200 dollars spent on a 10 week course and a lot of effort.

Marriage is hard work, and sometimes it does suck but it doesn't have to. Some good skills can make it suck a lot less. So if you are reading this and have been thinking about talking to your partner about a communication class, stop thinking about it and do it. It doesn't cure the issues but it will give you the tools to do so.


JustaKidAtHeart said...

Im glad things are better for you. We set up an hour a day where we lay in bed, phones and computers off and talk and snuggle. For us that really brought out the old us and we look forward to it. I totally agree with you on the its not what is best for me but for us.

Echloe said...

Sounds like that class was really worth it. We just celebrated (8/31) our 5th anniversary and I'm still amazed that we have not only gotten through 5 years of marriage, but 11 years together. DH is all about communication because his parents never talk (they are trapped in a loveless marriage). And it has done wonders for us.

So I'm glad to hear that you guys are doing well, especially since the little one will be joining you soon.

JustaKidAtHeart said...

You've been tagged!!! CHeck out my blog. :)

littlemonkey said...

oh, tagged times 2! see my blog, too :)