Monday, June 23, 2008

Not Out Yet

I promise this will be a post too but A Journey of a Lifetime if you would PLEASE email me a kittylove516 at yahoo dot com I can answer your questions about IF resources online. My favorite one of which is on and called the t-ttc board. Okay now my real post.

Over and over people keep asking me if we are 'out' yet about the pg. It seems that once you hit 12 weeks everyone expects that you will give up the goods and tell everyone. Most days and I really do mean MOST days as in 5/7 I feel okay telling the whole world. That is as long as I can do it one person at a time. But news such as this doesn't travel like that, it travels like wild fire. So while R and I have made leaps and bounds in telling people, D and B R's best man and wife found out on Sunday, my maternal grandmother will find out this week people such as, oh R's PARENTS still don't know.

To be honest this is not at all R's fault, but it isn't entirely mine either. R's parents are divorced, and his mom can't and his dad won't keep secrets. So they have made it to the bottom of the pile for who knows about the pg. And since telling them amounts to telling around 50 people I am very hesitant about doing so. It isn't about still being scared of losing the baby, our risk at the moment is somewhere around 3% and in a week it goes down to 2% but never does go down much further than that. It is about having that many people find out at once and their reactions.

To be fair R's mom is going to be thrilled, just today she mentioned to R how she longs to be a grandmother. I know she will be happy for us. R is even worried she will be so excited upon hearing the news she will jump up and down and hurt herself, a realistic fear given her feet have had three surgeries in two years and are getting another in November. Nope who I really don't want to tell is R's dad, Pete.

Pete's reaction to our news of engagement was less than thrilled. We had dated a year and half, R was 30 years old and he had a good job but new. Somehow though the news of our engagement was shocking. We told Pete and his third wife and they sat across the table stunned. I finally said "I'm not pg, if that is what you are thinking" They both laughed nervously before launching into a funny story about a friend. It was a good 5-10 minutes before either said congratulations. And before they said that they asked where my ring was, it was getting sized we told them and they told us it didn't seem official till I had a ring. Weeks later ring on finger they saw us and told us they were happy, but I don't think R or I ever really believed them.

Because of our past experience R and I are a little hesitant about telling them. It isn't that we don't want them to know but that we don't want them to rain on our parade. We are beyond thrilled to be pg. For them not to be happy for us would break R's heart, and mine too. So we keep waiting, me trying to avoid my husband's heart breaking without telling him that is what I am worried about, R trying to understand my need for secrecy just a little longer.

Side note: I wrote this in the am but didn't post because I got bussy. Then around 1 I started cramping. The got bad, I mean REALLY bad but no spotting. I called the Dr and they wanted me to come in. It was the sameDr I saw for my dizzyness. As soon as he saw me he said "lets just do an u/s". My kind of Dr! Baby looked great h/b strong andmy cervix is still nice and closed. Whoo hoo. However when the cramping started I was so thankful R's parents didn't know yet. We might be pushing back telling another week. We will see what the rest of this week brings.


Butterfly said...

In my prayers but I know everything is OK. :-)


Maria (MKC101103) said...

We're having the same feelings about telling people. We're waiting as long as possible. The bad thing is that I'm starting to show early (common after IVF) so at 10 weeks I've already had strangers stare at my belly.

If people ask, we're telling, but not going out of our way to announce it or anything.

It's such a shame that after 3 losses we don't get more excitement out of the telling phase. But I'll be sure to get all of that excitement out once I deliver a happy and healthy baby. THEN it will be time to celebrate!

shiner said...

Hi! I got here by blog hopping and I spent all of yesterday reading your blog. No, I am not a stalker I just felt compelled to read the entire thing because I really think I understand how you feel. Or I did until now, I have never made it as far as you but I want you to know that I am so happy for you. You give me hope. I know that sounds crazy since I just read your blog yesterday but it is true. I hope everything is okay and you are in my prayers...please don't think I am a stalker:o>

ggop said...

Take it easy. I think cramping could be due to the expansion of the uterus? (just read it on a blog, not sure)

Good call on waiting before telling some people.

shiner said...

I think it is amazing that you are considering donating your eggs. If not for people like you I would be SOL. Also, not that you are doing it for this, but you could certainly make some of the money back that the assholes at Kaiser would not pay. I am paying my particular donor $3k. I will post tomorrow after my 1st u/s and Lupron shot.

~Jess said...

I'm glad that your scan went well. That's great that you've found such a supportive person: particularly one who lets you borrow her doppler :-)

I think egg donation could be a great thing. It would truly be a wonderful thing, to give that gift to someone else.

I'm happy that you're doing well and that things are progressing nicely.