Friday, April 4, 2008

Today was my first accupuncture appt

and it went really well. It didn't hurt I was able to relax and I even felt the tingling sensation through out my body. I LOVED it!

For those of you who don't know this was a HUGE deal for me because I have an intense fear of needles. 10 years ago I was still crying and being held down by nurses for blood draws. Last year I finally moved out of the children's room and now get my blood drawn like an adult. Today was a huge step for me.

Please don't judge my fear because admitting this is all very hard for me. I wanted to share because I thought maybe some of you might be considering going but afraid. I want you to know how good it felt. I was going for my infertility and stress, but they worked on a lot of things today.

She told me that I might experience random crying today and while I have yet to break down and cry I am very emotional today. I want to cry, I just can't. I have a feeling I might be visiting Utube and watching "I would die for that" today.

I also had a very vivid dream last night. I dreamt my mom told me she was pg a year ago and had aborted the baby. It was just a dream but it shocked me. I am very disturbed by it. I asked her about it and she looked at me like I was crazy but did re affirm to me that it was just a dream. I have always had vivid dreams and sometimes they are scary but this one was weird. I knew it was a dream but at the same time I didn't. I remember in part of it I was asking her why she didn't give it to me. She was saying something about me wanting my own children. And all I could think was "How could you?" It was like in my dream I was Pro-life which I am not IRL.

I have to admit though IF has made me question the right to chose. I never thought that could happen but it has. The issue is no longer black and white but shades of grey. Funny hu?


avalikelava said...

You know... I agree with you with all of a sudden re-evaluating pregnancy termination.

I'm still pro-choice, and going through treatment hasn't changed that, but I did change my outlook on what an embryo/fetus/baby is.

I won't judge anyone making the very hard decision to either keep or not keep a pregnancy, but I'm still amazed how my outlook today is so drastically different then what I thought even a year ago.

I said it before, and I'll say it again: I'm proud of you for doing the acupuncture :)

Mom to Many said...

I was a science major, and have always thought an embryo was "a group of cells." Maybe that was my justification. Now, I am obsessed with thinking about our future embryos as missed lives, as much as this is irrational. While I am still very much pro-choice, I could never think of MY embryos as just a group of cells.

Kristen said...

I'm glad that you liked the acupuncture! I too was able to feel the sensation throughout my wierd to explain until you feel them yourself!

Jill said...

Wow--glad you liked acupuncture, too! I hope this leads both of us to BFPs this month. We certainly deserve it!

Also, I would classify myself as pro-choice as well, but IF has certainly changed me. When my 2 embryos didn't make it on my last IVF cycle, I felt like I had a miscarriage. I still feel such a sense of loss. I am forever changed.

Rita said...

just wanted to stop by and say hi

Diana said...

SO glad you enjoyed the acu appt! I loved mine and continued them through IVF. I believe they helped me get pregnant. Best of luck to you!

close2it said...

I've been thinking about doing this too. If you don't mind sharing, does your insurance cover it or do you pay out of pocket?

Hope it brings you lots of success this cycle!