Sunday, April 27, 2008

Those who know

I am scared about tomorrow. I have enjoyed the weekend and am enjoying this pg but am scared of it ending. My beta needs to triple tomorrow and to make matters worse I may not get the results till Tuesday morning. I am relaxing to the best of my ability, so please don’t tell me to do that. If you want to send prayers, good thoughts, good karma, positive energy or just meditate on it then PLEASE do.

Acting like a pg woman is harder than I thought. No lunch meat? Really? But in all honesty I am loving it. A few people have asked me “Do you know how lucky you are?” To get pg on the first IUI is wonderful and I am the first to admit I feel damn lucky, but I don’t think R feels the same way. Example while I am slightly concerned about our beta and it doubling, R is sitting there worried about twins. While I thanked God last night in my prayers and keep looking at the blue sunny spring sky saying “thank you” in my head, he doesn’t. It isn’t that R isn’t happy, he is thrilled but to him IUI #1 working was a given. He “knew it would work” from the beginning and isn’t surprised in the least bit. His attitude makes me nervous, like God will look down on him and decide he isn’t grateful enough and take it away.

But I refuse to think that way for too long. This is God’s gift to us and I just have a mother’s instinct that this is it. My beta will double and this pg was meant to be. Please don’t take this to mean I am not scared I am but not as much as I thought I would be. Lower beta’s have gone on to be healthy pg and the fact that today the pee stick actually showed a line is a good sign.

R’s initial reaction was a little disappointing. I had him come home early because the thought of telling him in 3 hours was driving me nuts. When he arrived home I had written on my belly “BABY” and showed it to him. His first reaction was relief that I was okay and then he got really happy. I think there might have been a tear or too even. He has reached over many times to touch my belly during this weekend and talk to the baby. It is very cute.

I want to keep track of people who know so here is my list:
Shannon- Who BTW thought I was joking when I called to tell her the news. She seriously didn’t believe me, and then nearly castrated me for the drinking a last Thursday. Yes that is right I had ONE drink the night before my + beta, which is also the night AFTER my – POAS and for the record NO MORE DRINKING FOR ME!
The nest,
Blog readers
Corrie- a IF friend who is related to R but promised not to tell anyone.


Anonymous said...

I'm praying for you and R, and will continue to do so.

~Jess said...

I'm praying so hard for you both! I hope this is it for you guys :-)

Echloe said...

Fingers crossed for a good triple- heck quadruple beta tomorrow.

Amandalyn717 said...

I've been thinking of you all day and hoping for tripling numbers!! Good luck!

Lisa said...

Of course you're nervous! In fact, I'm incredibly impressed that you're actually enjoying being pregnant this early!! Good for you!!!!

Sasha & Mark said...

meditating on some high numbers... and a phone call very soon

Anonymous said...

Congrats are in order!!! I was so excited when Shannon called! I am sending good thoughts your way! xoxo Holly

Tina623 said...

Hope and praying that all is well.