Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Motherhood is hard work: a response to a comment on my blog

When I was pg I always felt weird complaining about morning sickness because for a long time I said I would do anything to be pg and have morning sickness. But quickly I realized that complaining about morning sickness didn't make me any less grateful to be pg, it just made me honest that morning sickness is no fun and quite frankly SUCKS.

Now as a mom I have learned that just because I longed and wanted to be a mother doesn't mean sleepless nights are fun, nor does it make poopy diapers less stinky, but according to one of my readers it should. I guess only fertiles are allowed to complain about sleepless nights, reflux, sore nipples from breastfeeding and all the other wonderful ailments of motherhood.

Don't get me wrong motherhood is wonderful. Not a day goes by that I am not fully in love with my son, completely grateful he is here and healthy, and enamored by every little thing he does. However motherhood is just as much work as I thought it would be. It is the hardest thing I have ever done. There is little praise when for the good things you do, there is lots of guilt when things go wrong, and it is alienating at times, it doesn't pay except for smiles and baby kisses. It at times exposes you to toxic levels of poop and bodily functions ;) and your work day is 24-7-365 for 18+ years. It is a job I love but that doesn't mean it isn't hard.


shiner said...

You handled this very well. Sounds like you're not worrying about what others have to say when they are number one so judgemental and number two too chicken to leave their identity. You are allowed to complain as much as fertiles...infact you can do anything you want. This is a free country - freedom of speech! As for the comment "who cares about your sleep?" Holy shi*! Who wouldn't care about their sleep and be run down by now. Your last post was very tender, it sounded like a proud mother to me who is also working her butt off and a little tired from it - no need to persecute people anonymous - get a life!
I would have left a comment on your last post but since I am not yet a mom I have no idea / no frame of reference yet.

Trish said...

I didn't see the comment (I'll go look in a minute) but eff that.
When Robbie first came home from the hospital I was averaging about 5 hours of sleep every THREE DAYS (total!) I was on the brink of having a nervous break down. That's no exaggeration at all. And not only was I infertile, but spent 3 months staring at a tiny baby wishing for nothing more than to have him at home and hold him any time I wanted. But there is a limit to how much the human body can take.

I was much of a complainer when I was pregnant. To the point that when my liver was swelling from pre-e and I was nearly death, I STILL apologized for complaining about a stomach ache. I thought it was heart burn and didn't want to whine about heart burn when I was lucky to have it.

Pain is pain. tired is tired.

To the person saying people with babies can't complain, I will say that infertility isn't the worst thing in the world. Yeah, it sucks.. I lived it for a number of years. But there are people in Darfur getting raped, maimed and killed just for going to find water to boil. Someone ALWAYS has it worse and we should ALL count our blessings. THat doesn't mean what we're going through doesn't SUCK.

ggop said...

Is this anon a person dealing with fertility issues? The internet brings out the worst in some people because of the cloak of anonymity.
I agree with you, why is it that only fertile people get to vent? The relentless job that is motherhood is hard for all and one.

I see you took the high road and bothered to clarify your point of view but seriously some people are downright mean.

- A fellow mom in the trenches

Amanda said...

Fertility issues or not, everyone is allowed to complain. I think you're doing a great job and even if you are tired and complain about it...we still want to hear about it! Have a good day!