Sunday, April 19, 2009

No we won't CIO

Riley is not sleeping well at nights, he seems to like getting us up twice a night. Even on nights he sleeps 6 hours for the first stretch he will be up 2 hours later. He doesn't NEED the food but he wants it for comfort sake. This last week as been particularly hard with his night terror, breastfeeding revolt and then shots, so we aren't ready to sleep train yet, but I am thinking if by May he isn't STTN regularly then we will be sleep training. However, we will not be CIO. And why is CIO the first thing everyone suggests to us when we mention the lack of sleep? For us CIO will be the last step, and one we will take only if we have to. WHY?

I have listened to babies CIO, sat at the door to thier bedroom and wailed myself with them. It was very hard to do even as a nanny and now as a mom I can't imagine how hard it would be.

Secondly, when you CIO you need to be 100% commited to it because noting is more confusing to a child than getting picked up sometimes for crying and not othertimes. We do not have this level of commitment, yet.

Third, and possibly the biggest reason CIO isn't for us. I read a article about what must go through an infants mind when it CIO for the first time. I got about three sentences in before I had to put the article down and go hug my son.

We are going to try some other things first, like a sound machine, and then letting R go in and comfort him with a paci and seeing if that puts Riley back to sleep before offering the breast. I am also hoping to get more tricks at a sleep class I am taking next week. Hopefully by May we won't need to sleep train but if we do then at least we will have an idea of the path that might work best for our family and our parenting style.

In the mean time if you happen to talk to us and we look sleep deprived please don't tell us we can always CIO. It isn't a path we are willing to take at the moment.


Rachel said...

I do hope you'll continue to post about what works for you. Since my little fusspot is almost exactly the same age as Riley I would love suggestions. We keep having people (including our pediatrician) recommend CIO, but since we are still co-sleeping (sometimes in a crib next to the bed, sometimes in bed) it really isn't an option. My baby still wakes up every 3-4 hours through the night, if not more. And she's definitely not very hungry because she won't eat much and will absolutely refuse a bottle if offered at night by my husband.

We put her to sleep at 8:30 and I feed her again at 12:30 before I go to bed. I then feed her again around 3-4 am, but she's always up at 6 and then again at 8. My fantasy sleep plan for us is to have my husband get up with her and comfort her at one 4 or 6 am so that she doesn't always associate waking up and crying with feeding, but it's been really hard to convince him to get out of bed since he knows that breastfeeding works so well to calm her down. I wonder if having your husband take an early morning waking might help encourage Riley to go back to sleep? Or what else you plan to try?

Oh, and we read the "No Cry Sleep Solution" and a few other books and they had very few suggestions for late night wakings.

Kelly Marie said...

Very happy to read this :) Lets not forget that CIO can be harmful for babies.

Trish said...

If a baby is wailing, then something is going wrong.
We used sort of a combo method for sleep training with Robbie.. and it did involved a little "crying" it out. But at no time did he ever really CRY, it was more like "fuss it out."
And it only took 2 nights and a grand total of about 15 minutes of fussing (not all at one shot) for him to learn to self soothe.

I had been trying everything else for months and was honestly at my wit's end. I was so sleep deprived (keep in mind this was during the non-eating, no tube phase) that I was honestly not a very good mom because I was just so tired and frustrated. Bedtime was taking an average of 90 minutes and by the end of that I was actually angry because I was just. so. exhausted.

Now, you have to do what works for YOU, but the insinuation that anyone who's ever let their baby cry is harming their child is maybe taking it a little too far.

No baby should be hysterically crying. And any mom worth her salt can tell the difference between baby bitching, sad, angry, injured etc.

Robbie still wakes up every now and then (he did it while typing this, as a matter of fact) but cries literally for about 4 or 5 seconds and puts himself right back to sleep. It's clearly "I'm tired" crying. Not "I need you" crying.

Anyway, I'm just babbling. Do what works for you. People suggest CIO because it works.

And honestly, it was one of the beset things I did FOR ROBBIE. He now has a skill- self soothing. And I have my sanity.

Trish said...

Oh.. and I wanted to add that we did not do this until after Robbie was 6 months adjusted (9 months actual) so he possessed the ability to do so.
I had been trying to do the other techniques since 4 months adjusted.. they had helped a little, but 2 days of what I call modified-Ferber and it was like having a new bedtime baby.

Ariella said...


Thanks for the comment on my blog about CIO. I have to admit what you did doesn't sound like Ferber/CIO to me, and I am glad it worked. I hope my post didn't come off to judgy, the point I was trying to make is that at this moment I am not desperate enough to let him CIO, because he DOES self sothie to bed, he just can't put himself back down in the middle of the night without the breast.

Alison said...

Yo :D

Want me to send you The No-Cry Sleep Solution? I have it as an ebook. Katie wakes 6-9 times a night so I've decided to try it myself.

Sasha & Mark said...

DH seems to be more okay with CIO than me. I would do it, but only as a last resort. Everytime Petra cries and I can't get to her (like riding in the car), I just feel awful for her.

We can't exactly know what they are feeling, but I know I don't have the commitment for it!

Ariella said...

Alison, Thanks for the offer I have read the book and I think I have a copy but if not I will let you know. Thanks for the offer.