Monday, October 22, 2007

A good day... even though it is sexless

As I read thought my friends' blogs one hit me over the head. She wrote how she realized her husband may never be a father, and how much that saddened her. While I understood her grief it made me think about my determination to be a parent. I have always said that if unable to get pg that we will adopt. It isn't the way I imagined creating our family but I could give up that dream if it meant not having to live childless. Today made me come to terms with that. I will be okay if my life includes only adoptive children. It will be sad, hard and I will cry a lot before we get there. But if we do get there, it will be okay.

I do wonder how people come to terms with choosing to live childless. I understand not wanting children, please don't get me wrong. But when couples who try for years to get pg, who spend 15,000 per cycle on IVF and still don't have children give up and don't pursue adoption.... I just don't understand that. We have friends who are living childless because they can't have children, and often I wonder how she came to terms with that, because I don't think I could ever come to terms with something like that. Often I want to ask her how she can get over something like IF. But I know that any questions would be intrusive and hurtful because I don't have the words to ask those questions with out them sounding like I am asking her "How could you kill your own mother?" Please don't think I am comparing killing my mom to living childless..... but in a way I am. In a way I see living childless as something of a death sentence. I shouldn't but I do.

One of my local nesties is adopting right now. She has been placed (matched) with a first mom and is waiting for the f mom to go into labor. I think of her daily. I know that if my life comes down to adoption I will have someone to guide me. I am thankful for that.

Other things on my mind today include:

Why is it that on CD9 DH doesn't want to have sex???? It is like he knows that I will be ovulating soon. Oh well I will just have to seduce him in the am.

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