Sunday, July 6, 2008

Today is better.

So obviously I was upset about last night when I last posted. I was upset enough to blame R, to yell at him for making us tell in person and this "early". And I wasn't really thinking about R all that much. I knew he was hurting but not to the extent that I do now. However he also doesn't blame his dad, he blames the cunt (dad's wife). While I see his point that she did all the talking, did all the questioning of our choices I also saw a man (R's dad) who didn't smile or congratulate me. A man who let his wife tell us we made a mistake and in my opinion silence is agreement. So I blame them both, R blames her. I know part of it is because we see things differently but another part is that he desperately wants his father's approval. WHY? Not really sure, but he does.

Today we are doing better. I made it clear i want nothing to do with either of them for the next two months till R's brother's wedding. He is fine with that. I also said I will never be going out to dinner with them, he's not okay with that but for now is letting it slide. We both are talking about it with each other in a calm manor and that seems to be helping each of us feel better.

Now our good news of the day: Both R's siblings now know and both were really happy for us.


Rachel said...

I'm really glad that you're feeling better today and that R's siblings are both excited for you. I really hope that R's father and stepmother will share in your joy in the future. It's clear that they have different priorities than you do, but I hope that they will be able to welcome the baby once it arrives.

(I have to admit, the one thing that keep me from commenting yesterday is I really dislike the use of the word 'cunt.' It's clear that R's stepmother is self-centered, oblivious and unpleasant, but 'cunt' is such a gendered word and it implies that all women who share certain characteristics/body parts are unpleasant. Clearly that's not true, but given how much blame women get for being over-emotional/irrational/needy (um, hormones? I think we all know about those by this point ...) I wish we could use less-gendered names for awful people. Just a little side note, obviously not a criticism of you or a defense of your MIL in any way, just my thoughts ...)

shawna said...

My mom had very strong, and often self-centered and hurtful opinions. They can hurt tremendously. Having said that, I still seek her approval to some extent. It has gotten much better over the years.
While my DH doesn't agree with my mother at all, he is supportive of whatever relationship that I feel like I need to have with her. I'm not saying that isn't what you are doing. I think as R gets older he will need the relationship less and less, especially once he becomes a father. Hang in there. In-law relationships are rarely fun, but it sounds like you have your hands full.

Sasha & Mark said...

Well, I'm happy to see there are others who are congratulating you. I think it would be really important for me to limit contact (R is free to do what he wants) just because of the panic attacks and cramping. That would really scare me and is so not worth it.

I hope the next 2 months are drama free!

shiner said...

Hi, stalker here, just wanted to say I think you are wonderful for not calling your step monster a cunt to her face. Great job! Nothing against Rachel's comment because we all have the right to our opinion but damn if someone told me I should be more concerned about monetary items (house) than a family I would probably blow my stack. I am glad you are better.

Echloe said...

I think it is wise of you to avoid them since it caused physical symptoms for you. I bet they'll come around once the cherub is born.

Anonymous said...

Hi girly I meant to call but it is late and I figured you and R are asleep. Happy Anniversary. XOXO, Shan

Diana said...

Glad you are feeling better.

I also wanted to respond to your question on my blog about the cloth diapers. Currently we have about 20 prefolds but we should have 25-30 as I am doing laundry every 1.5 days right now. We use the prefolds during the day and use pocket diapers at night. Right now we have 6 of those. I used the jilliansdrawers sampler so some of those will be going back. When I send them back I will be ordering more BumGenius and more prefolds! Then I should be all set! If you have more questions email me at nickoletta100 at hotmail dot com and/or check out the eco-family friendly board on the nest at
Good luck!