Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Follow up, & Screening Results

It kills me that my last post hurt someone because I never would have wrote what I did if I thought it would have hurt her or any of you. I cried a lot to R about it. Mostly confused tears, and because making another person as upset as she was makes me feel like scum. I hate it when i hurt people especially people who have been through so much. Hurting someone in the loss community is just wrong. You guys have been through so much, you didn't deserve to be kicked when you are down.

I keep thinking about the term. Here is my conclusion: it is like using the "n" term with an "a" on the end rather than "er" if you are black/African American or the "fag" term if you are LGBTQQ. If it applys to you then you can use it and while some might be offend most won't call you out on it, but if not then people will be offended. I don't agree with this logic, personally I don't like either of the above words and don't think anyone should use them, but these seem to be the rules in our society and it seems like I stumbled onto a term in our little infertile community that is similar to those above. Anyway what I am getting at is I am sorry. I hope my blog readers forgive me for my transgression, and know it won't happen again.

I did have a good few days this weekend. I spent time with R and some friends. Emotionally I have been better. I feel hormonal still but I get out of bed and feel fairly confident in greeting the world.

At our last apt with the OB I was told our NT scan was great and blood results were negative but yesterday in the mail got a letter saying that our results for downs were "less than 1/290"..... ummmm..... I am 26 my risk going into the test was 1/900, WTF? I did a good job of not panicking but today placed a call in to the prenatal screening department. I got a really nice lady who explained that Kaiser mails out a "standard" letter for all patients whose results come back negative. My REAL risk given the test is 1/10,000 for Downs, and trisomy 13&18. I told her that sounded much better to me! I asked why the letter didn't say that and she said because most people don't understand how the stats all work. I was okay with that. I talked to her about the AFP screening and she was pro me getting the test. Her argument is that I will worry more about not having it and the "what ifs". In her opinion the risk of a "false positive" is very low. I told her I wouldn't do the amnio and she said then multiple u/s would be recommended and could rule out most of the things they test for it I got a +. R and I talked about the AFP tonight. I think I will get it. I wouldn't terminate unless I was going to give birth to a child who would die once born but I would like to be prepared.

Lastly thank you to everyone for your support. I feel so lucky to have friends like you.


Anonymous said...

I am pregnancy illiterate, so what is this AFP thing you mention?

I am so happy to know you are feeling better. :)

LaDonnaKaye said...

I have been following your blog and like you state "this is my blog" so hun you should be able to say anything you want if it offends someone then they shouldn't read your blog. I Have SIF and it has been a roller coaster. When I read your blog of being depressed(I am on meds for depression and anxiety) I wanted to hug you. Also a part of me was saying "I would die for what you have" But only you know what is going on with you and those who really care will not judge you. Thanks for sharing your journey and be yourself..blog what you think and feel screw the ones who don't get you.

Jenny said...

Ariel, I completely agree with your post. You can never please everyone with a term. Speaking for myself who is biracial (white mom, black dad) you get all kinds of crap. You can say something in terms of a AA would say and you look white and god forbid its all over.

Why are things okay for some people to say and then another person that is "different" says and its bad.

In the end this is YOUR blog. If people don't like how you say things then they can skip the post and or blog altogether. And while you don't want to hurt anyone just remember this is the internet world. People from all over the place look at these things and Iam sure many of them are just poking around to ruffle your feathers!.

Relax and enjoy that bundle of joy growing in your belly!

Stephanie said...

I think you are able to say what you want, you have the disclaimer about it being YOUR BLOG. I'm glad things are going so well for the baby. I'm gald that you are taking some steps to getting you mentality in a better place. We all need that sometimes (well I do)

Kristen said...

I'm sorry you were so upset over a comment on your blog. This is a discussion I've had with my cousin many times...blogs are the 21st century diaries. They are a place to jot our thoughts, and unfortunately, (unlike the diaries which I used to have a key to to lock up) they are open to criticism. This is YOUR blog...say what you feel and stand by what you say.

So glad to hear things are progressing so wonderfully with the baby!!! :-0

Just Me said...

It's your blog... say what you want! And, sometimes you need a little humor to get you through the day and I'm sure that is where the DBM term came from, a PL girl who needed to laugh to keep from crying!

Hang in there!! I know that I have taken a step away from the boards for a while and it helps.


Echloe said...

It sounds like you've been really stressed out lately. I think you should take it easy. Get a prenatal massage or go for a pedicure.

Glad the NT scan and other test showed that your little one is doing well. Take care of yourself too.

shiner said...

I hope it is okay for me to post a comment here. I am very sorry for over reacting and making an ass of myself on your blog. Your friends are right, you can say whatever you want and you even warn people that you will. I was just emotional - that's no excuse but it is true. I was supposed to be having my shower for my dead baby around the time I read your post. Instead someone else was who is very close to me was having one that Saturday. Again...no excuse and I truly am sory. What's worse is that I did it during a time when you needed emotional support which I totally understand because my sister went through the same thing with both of her pregnancies.
Anyway I just read your post from Tuesday because I've been afraid to even come to your blog. I appreciate your apology, it means a lot to me but I am the one who over reacted and I know now that you meant no harm by what you said.

BTW you have some fiercly loyal friends - you are fortunate to have them.