Motherhood at times has been very surprising, but what has shocked me most has been how breastfeeding has turned out. I read the Le Leatche League's breastfeeding book: The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding and the book leads one to think breastfeeding will help save the world. And many of the first days of breastfeeding I felt this way. I was in the honeymoon phase of breastfeeding and loving it. I would tell anyone who would listen how everyone who can breastfeed should because it is just lovely.
Then I got Mastitis, then Riley got reflux and my supply dropped. Breastfeeding was no longer the lovely bonding time it once was and a bunch of times I almost gave it up. Things are once again going well, however the honeymoon phase has not reappeared. I love breastfeeding but not with the same enthusiasm that I once had. I am however so glad I stuck with it. Every week I breastfeed is money in the bank, it helps build his immune system and lowers my risk of breast cancer as well as much more.
Plus I now have some great breastfeeding stories to tell:
When R and I got home with Riley it took his dad a week to come visit, and when they finally decided to drop by I was breastfeeding. At this point breastfeeding while going very well I was still getting used to using the cover but I had it beside me for when they came over. However R and I soon found out I didn't need it, because his father and current wife both refuse to be in the same room as me while I feed Riley! Yep even with a cover the idea of breastfeeding weirds them out so much they can't be in the same room as me! R and I laugh that Riley will be over a year old before they spend any quality time with him, sadly it might actually be true.
Story number 2:
I was breastfeeding in front of my sister's kids, they are 2 and 4 years old and neither was breast feed so the concept is new to them. When I told them there was milk in my breasts in response to them asking me what I was doing they didn't believe me. So I showed them. Now my let down is fast so when I hand express mild literally SHOOTs out, some times a good three feet or so. The look on their little faces when the milk came out in their directions was priceless! And then after the shock wore off... "Can we try?"
Story number 3:
Riley loves to grunt and groan while on the breast and it makes both R and I laugh. We have taken to telling him "talk dirty to it" and "Oh Lefty like it when you talk like that". Yep we sexualize breastfeeding! Riley is going to need lots of therapy when he gets older.
Story number 4 is and oldie and a goody.
It is X-mas eve and we are spending a short period of time with R's family. I have organized our feeds so that Riley won't need to eat there but still breastfeeding comes up. When one of his male 20 something cousins finds out I plan on breastfeeding for a year he is a little weirded out. My response "Your just jealous Riley gets to mac on my porn star boobs." The look on his face and the shade of red it turned was hilarious, maybe you had to be there to find it as funny as we do, but thinking of that night still makes us laugh out loud.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
He found his thumb
Riley has been working at finding his thumb for a week or so now. He can suck on his fist but hadn't figured out how to get just his thumb in him mouth. Well now he has figured it out. It has only happened a few times and most of the time he just sucks on his fist but he is getting there.
I was a thumb sucker and the one thing I have vowed not to let Riley be is a thumb sucker. Babies have an innate need to suck and thus I am fine giving him a paci because those can be taken away but a thumb is harder to take away. Believe me I know!
Hopefully we can keep him from becoming a thumb sucker but it is a lot harder than it sounds and at the moment he is testing both R and my will power. Every time he gets his thumb or fist we try to replace it with the paci, sometimes this works other times he screams in protest. We will however continue to take his thumb away, until either he doesn't want it anymore or my will power fades. The memories of me fighting with my parents over my own habit is a strong motivation as is the 3,000 dollars worth of orthodonic work I required once I stopped.
I was a thumb sucker and the one thing I have vowed not to let Riley be is a thumb sucker. Babies have an innate need to suck and thus I am fine giving him a paci because those can be taken away but a thumb is harder to take away. Believe me I know!
Hopefully we can keep him from becoming a thumb sucker but it is a lot harder than it sounds and at the moment he is testing both R and my will power. Every time he gets his thumb or fist we try to replace it with the paci, sometimes this works other times he screams in protest. We will however continue to take his thumb away, until either he doesn't want it anymore or my will power fades. The memories of me fighting with my parents over my own habit is a strong motivation as is the 3,000 dollars worth of orthodonic work I required once I stopped.
Who wants some cuteness?
This is baby yoga the home version. He loves it and it really does help him poop, yep it is official I am a mom now and blogging about poop.
Tummy time at our house used to mean a lot of crying, but not anymore. Riley now will hang in there for up to 15 minutes with the help of a mirror.
I would share some pics of me and him but the recent ones all involve breastfeeding or I have recently been breastfeeding and thus am wearing only a bra on top. R seems to only pic up the camera when I don't have a top on. They are great photos don't get me wrong but not the kind you share on an open blog.
Tummy time at our house used to mean a lot of crying, but not anymore. Riley now will hang in there for up to 15 minutes with the help of a mirror.
I would share some pics of me and him but the recent ones all involve breastfeeding or I have recently been breastfeeding and thus am wearing only a bra on top. R seems to only pic up the camera when I don't have a top on. They are great photos don't get me wrong but not the kind you share on an open blog.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Motherhood is hard work: a response to a comment on my blog
When I was pg I always felt weird complaining about morning sickness because for a long time I said I would do anything to be pg and have morning sickness. But quickly I realized that complaining about morning sickness didn't make me any less grateful to be pg, it just made me honest that morning sickness is no fun and quite frankly SUCKS.
Now as a mom I have learned that just because I longed and wanted to be a mother doesn't mean sleepless nights are fun, nor does it make poopy diapers less stinky, but according to one of my readers it should. I guess only fertiles are allowed to complain about sleepless nights, reflux, sore nipples from breastfeeding and all the other wonderful ailments of motherhood.
Don't get me wrong motherhood is wonderful. Not a day goes by that I am not fully in love with my son, completely grateful he is here and healthy, and enamored by every little thing he does. However motherhood is just as much work as I thought it would be. It is the hardest thing I have ever done. There is little praise when for the good things you do, there is lots of guilt when things go wrong, and it is alienating at times, it doesn't pay except for smiles and baby kisses. It at times exposes you to toxic levels of poop and bodily functions ;) and your work day is 24-7-365 for 18+ years. It is a job I love but that doesn't mean it isn't hard.
Now as a mom I have learned that just because I longed and wanted to be a mother doesn't mean sleepless nights are fun, nor does it make poopy diapers less stinky, but according to one of my readers it should. I guess only fertiles are allowed to complain about sleepless nights, reflux, sore nipples from breastfeeding and all the other wonderful ailments of motherhood.
Don't get me wrong motherhood is wonderful. Not a day goes by that I am not fully in love with my son, completely grateful he is here and healthy, and enamored by every little thing he does. However motherhood is just as much work as I thought it would be. It is the hardest thing I have ever done. There is little praise when for the good things you do, there is lots of guilt when things go wrong, and it is alienating at times, it doesn't pay except for smiles and baby kisses. It at times exposes you to toxic levels of poop and bodily functions ;) and your work day is 24-7-365 for 18+ years. It is a job I love but that doesn't mean it isn't hard.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Still Not STTN but I Can't Complain Much
As much complaining as I do about the lack of sleep I must admit R and I are very lucky. Riley has never been one of those babies that cries at night. Yes he cries to wake us up when he wants to be feed, but he doesn't continue to cry once picked up. He knows his needs are going to be meet and is as patient as a newborn can be.
When we made the transition to his crib during the night it was me not him who had the most issues. I was the one up every hour sometimes three or four times an hour to make sure he was still breathing. Quickly I learned I could also send R in a few times a night to check as well, although the first few times I made him do it he rolled his eyes at me.
After weeks of his night and days mixed up and us holding him while he was up we realized that a) the car would put him to sleep and then b) that we could actually lay him down in his crib and he could put himself to bed. The night we discovered this might have been even better than the night he slept 5 hours for the first time because it meant that R and I could go lay down even if he was slightly awake still. The biggest miracle of him putting himself to sleep is that he doesn't cry! Yes Riley can put himself back to sleep at night without crying! This is not something I expected him to be able to do, I had fears of him being 9 months old and still needing to rock him to sleep because I quite frankly refuse to ferberize my own child. Ferberizing as a nanny was hard enough, I knew I couldn't do it as a mother.
Now Riley has added one more trick to his sleep habits and it is one that I am very grateful for. He can now put himself to sleep for his naps too! He has done it twice today so far and did it twice last week too. Of course sometimes he won't and when he cries I am always there in seconds, as fast as my feet will carry me, to calm him down and help him get himself to sleep.
So while Riley isn't STTN yet in the sense that he goes 8-12 hours at night, I am sure we are on our way to that. I don't have any grand expectations that it will be any time soon, but one day I hope to enjoy my sleep again.
When we made the transition to his crib during the night it was me not him who had the most issues. I was the one up every hour sometimes three or four times an hour to make sure he was still breathing. Quickly I learned I could also send R in a few times a night to check as well, although the first few times I made him do it he rolled his eyes at me.
After weeks of his night and days mixed up and us holding him while he was up we realized that a) the car would put him to sleep and then b) that we could actually lay him down in his crib and he could put himself to bed. The night we discovered this might have been even better than the night he slept 5 hours for the first time because it meant that R and I could go lay down even if he was slightly awake still. The biggest miracle of him putting himself to sleep is that he doesn't cry! Yes Riley can put himself back to sleep at night without crying! This is not something I expected him to be able to do, I had fears of him being 9 months old and still needing to rock him to sleep because I quite frankly refuse to ferberize my own child. Ferberizing as a nanny was hard enough, I knew I couldn't do it as a mother.
Now Riley has added one more trick to his sleep habits and it is one that I am very grateful for. He can now put himself to sleep for his naps too! He has done it twice today so far and did it twice last week too. Of course sometimes he won't and when he cries I am always there in seconds, as fast as my feet will carry me, to calm him down and help him get himself to sleep.
So while Riley isn't STTN yet in the sense that he goes 8-12 hours at night, I am sure we are on our way to that. I don't have any grand expectations that it will be any time soon, but one day I hope to enjoy my sleep again.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Test results are back!
Riley is going to be fine! Our test results came back and he is going to be just fine. They want to keep an eye on the jaundice but for now we are avoiding surgery and liver failure! Wooo hoooo!
It is raining
Its raining, metaphorically speaking, at my house right now. Riley has caught my cold and while he is still fairly smilie, he is fussy if not the center of attention at every moment. He hates the bulb syringe which we use to suck out buggers and hates the buggers even more. He can't breath well, he is coughing, and while he can't say it I am sure he is miserable and thinking what the hell is going on?
The other piece of news is that his jaundice is worse not better. Actually the breastfeeding jaundice is better but the bad jaundice is up. So yesterday we ran him for his first set of STAT labs, a liver enzyme panel and a few other tests. When I saw the print out my first thought was "holy hell, will he even have enough blood for all those tests?" but it was only two vials. He did an excellent job at the blood draw. R held his legs, and a nurse helped hold his arm while the flabotomist stuck him. He only let out a couple of little whimpers and actually smiled at the nurse a few times. You might be wondering where I was during all of this? I was sitting in the chair on the other side of the room trying not to cry. My fear of needles is no better when the needle is for my son than it is if the needle is for me. Long ago R and I decided that he would try to always be there for any procedure that involved a needle. We don't need our kids picking up on my anxiety and developing their own fears.
Now we are just waiting for the tests to come back. Dr. Wonderful told me worst case is that his liver bile ducts are clogged and he will need surgery to open them. If he doesn't get the surgery we are looking at liver failure. I would really like to avoid both the surgery and liver failure, so send us your good thoughts, your prayers, or what have you. Heck I'll even sacrifice a moose like Trish does fr Robbie if it will help.
The other piece of news is that his jaundice is worse not better. Actually the breastfeeding jaundice is better but the bad jaundice is up. So yesterday we ran him for his first set of STAT labs, a liver enzyme panel and a few other tests. When I saw the print out my first thought was "holy hell, will he even have enough blood for all those tests?" but it was only two vials. He did an excellent job at the blood draw. R held his legs, and a nurse helped hold his arm while the flabotomist stuck him. He only let out a couple of little whimpers and actually smiled at the nurse a few times. You might be wondering where I was during all of this? I was sitting in the chair on the other side of the room trying not to cry. My fear of needles is no better when the needle is for my son than it is if the needle is for me. Long ago R and I decided that he would try to always be there for any procedure that involved a needle. We don't need our kids picking up on my anxiety and developing their own fears.
Now we are just waiting for the tests to come back. Dr. Wonderful told me worst case is that his liver bile ducts are clogged and he will need surgery to open them. If he doesn't get the surgery we are looking at liver failure. I would really like to avoid both the surgery and liver failure, so send us your good thoughts, your prayers, or what have you. Heck I'll even sacrifice a moose like Trish does fr Robbie if it will help.
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