Wednesday, August 6, 2008
"well its nice to know that you have great tits here."
All comments get e-mailed to me as they go up. I don't "moderate" them because when people have disagreed with me most of them have good reason to. But today the comment above, well it shocked me. I went back re-read my post and made sure I hadn't actually talked about 'the girls' on my blog. Being open about IF is one thing but talking about my girls is not a topic I feel should be discussed on the open web. Nope, I hadn't talked about them. So WHAT did this person mean but "you have great tits here"? Wouldn't you know I read it wrong it says "well its nice to know that you have great hits here." Hits not tits doufus! I read it wrong! I must have laughed at myself for about five minutes about that.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Tagged.....
I must admit it is such a boost to my ego to be tagged. It makes me feel popular!
I was tagged by Kristen at I Would Diet for That who blogs about her IVF, her life and the struggle to lose weight. She is a great gal and one of my t-ttc buddies. She is in the middle of IVF right now so go over and give her some love, and baby dust if you have any to spare (Shan, Holly I want you BOTH to give her all of yours. You girls don't need it, right now!)
Here are the tag rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you
2. Post the rules on your blog
3. Write 6 random things about yourself
4. Tag 6 people at the end of your post and link to them
5. Let each person you have tagged know by leaving a comment on their blog
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is posted.
So, my challenge is to share six random things about myself. I am kind of an open book, so we'll see...
1) I have a birth mark to the side of my belly button. It isn't a traditional birth mark but rather a cluster of moles in the shape of two people having sex. R and I refer to it as my constellation, and we have found numerous hours of humor in the fact that it looks like two people having sex.
2) If I could have any job in the world I would want to be the grant coordinator for DCYF. I think handing out money to organizations who do good work with children, youth and families sounds like a wonderful job. It has power, money, and it helps others. What more could this radical lefty ask for?
3) R is not my "type" of boyfriend. I think most of my friends were rather shocked when we started dating and even more shocked when I feel madly in love so fast. Before him I dated pretty boys who treated me like crap for the most part. Thank god I found R and married him. I shutter to think of who I would have ended up with if not him.
4) I don't have a shoe or purse fetish. I understand many women love these two things but I am way too piratical to want a 400 dollar purse that in 6-9 months will be out of style. This is why my new obsession for a 200 dollar diaper bag is reticules. R and I both know it but it seems I can't help myself. I want a petunia pickle bag! And as hard as I try I can't seem to convince myself that I don't need it, or that it is too much money for a diaper bag.
5) I have low self esteem. Most people don't guess this about me. I am outgoing, I share my feelings and express myself well but on the inside I still worry about fitting in. I find it hard to make friends and keep them since I disagree with lifestyle choices many people my age make (drugs and drinking) and yet am very liberal too. If I were conservative maybe more I would find more 26-30 year olds who don't drink or do drugs either.
6) I could never leave the bay area, CA. I love my home turf. I love the people, the politics, the lifestyle. R and I have talked many times about leaving, about growing roots somewhere less expensive, but deep down we both are kidding ourselves. This is home:
I have the hardest time tagging people. I worry people hate being tagged or they won't like me because I tag them. (yep that's the low self esteem.) So I am tagging the last 6 people who left comments!
1) Jess at Life at the White House. She does an amazing job talking honestly and openly about what it is like to use donor sperm. I admire her faith and trust in God. She is about to do IUI #1 in a few weeks. Wish her luck.
2) Amandalyn from My So Called Life just found out this week that she is pregnant! Her picture of her positive pee stick brought tears to my eyes. I am so happy for her. Her and her hubby Dean are going to be great parents!
3) Diana is mom to Baby Twiglet now called Kacey. Kacey was due on my birthday but she arrived late as so many first babies do. Like me, Diana had a low first beta, her story gave me much hope those first few days. She is a wonderful blogger friend and one of the only mommies who reads my blog.
4) Shinner writes art4mybaby and as some of you might know is doing a donor egg IVF right now. She has had her transfer and is on bed rest for a while. I am VERY hopeful for her. She will be an amazing mother. Send her some of that sticky baby dust girls. She has had multiple miscarriages and is on levonox to prevent another. Shinner I am thinking good thoughts and praying for you.
5) Patty writes Crazy (Married) Cat Lady. I just LOVE the name of her blog, since I am a cat person myself. She writes about marriage and life in general. Her dad is sick right now and needs prayers, fairy dust or good thoughts. Send what you have, she is to young to be dealing with all of this.
Last but not least I am supposed to tag Jen, but Jen is going through a lot right now. So I have decided to tag her as a way of saying "I am thinking of you" but you don't have to add this to your plate.
Thank you to everyone who plays.
Monday, August 4, 2008
I am on Team Green, still
Baby was all shy and wouldn't show the goods, will you belive that. Yep after all the convincing family did on me to get us to find out and share the sex, it is all for nothing. Baby crossed her/his legs each time the tec tried to look. She tried four or five times too. We actually were laughing about it by the end. Tech was having a good time with us and said "I give you a 50% chance of having a boy, and a 50% chance of you having a girl!"
As for health of baby. Everything looked fine to me but it will be this Friday before we find out what the Dr says. I am a little nervous about that but to my eye the spine looked good and same with the heart. Baby bounced around a lot and I never felt a thing. Confirming my suspicion that I hadn't felt him/her yet. Dh and I are undecided about going to a 3d u/s place, his bro's wedding is this month and we have a vacation planned too, so money could get tight toward the end of the month. We are thinking next month we will go.
As for health of baby. Everything looked fine to me but it will be this Friday before we find out what the Dr says. I am a little nervous about that but to my eye the spine looked good and same with the heart. Baby bounced around a lot and I never felt a thing. Confirming my suspicion that I hadn't felt him/her yet. Dh and I are undecided about going to a 3d u/s place, his bro's wedding is this month and we have a vacation planned too, so money could get tight toward the end of the month. We are thinking next month we will go.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Boy or Girl???
I took down the poll today. Seems most of you think it is a boy 48%, 11% of you think I am having a monkey and 40% think it is a girl.
Well my friends agree with you, they all say boy too, although they know how much R wants a daughter so they are hoping to be wrong. Family on the other hand all seem to think it is a girl. If you ask me I will pull neutrality most of the time and other times I will actually share that part of me thinks it is a girl, but I am not sure if that is just because R wants a little girl. Don't get me wrong R would be happy for a boy or a girl, healthy is all we are praying for BUT he has always thought he would have a daughter. I thought the same thing to as a teen and even as an adult but obviously infertility changed that. Infertility has made me thankful for morning sickness and pregnancy symptoms, grateful for the chance at a pregnancy and a healthy baby and knowledgeable that some aren't so lucky.
Debating gender seems trivial when what tomorrow is really about is determining if the baby is healthy but it is fun to guess and my worrying won't change anything. So wanna play?
The following are some old wives tales about gender:
1) If you carry high, it’s a girl. Low, it’s a boy. There is no high on my 5 foot 2 body so BOY!
2) If the heartbeat is under 140 bpm, it’s a boy. If it is over 140 bpm, it’s a girl. It always seems to be up above 150 just about every time we listen so that would be GIRL.
3) Tie your wedding ring to a string and dangle it over your belly. If it swings back and forth, it’s a boy. If it goes in circles, it’s a girl. It doesn't matter who holds the string, it goes in a circle: GIRL
4) Chinese Gender Chart (http://www.thenestbaby.com/calculators/ChineseGenderChart.aspx)Some say this is correct 90% of the time. I was 25, and the month was April: BOY
5) If you have acne during pregnancy, it’s a girl. If you don’t, it’s a boy. Pregnancy has cleared up my acne, BOY.
6) If you have morning sickness, you’re having a girl. If you don’t, you’re having a boy. I don't know, does morning sickness count if you don't throw up? If non-throwing up count:Girl if it doesn't: Boy.
7) If your breasts have gotten bigger, you’re having a girl! If they’ve stayed the same, it’s a boy. Then it’s definitely a GIRL!
8) If your left breast is bigger than the right, you’re having a girl. If the right breast is bigger than the left, it’s a boy. GIRL.
9) If your urine is neon yellow, it’s a boy. If it’s a dull yellow, it’s a girl. um, gross... Boy.
10) If you’re hair on your legs grows faster, it’s a girl. If it stays the same, it’s a boy. Girl
11) If the dad to be is gaining weight with you, it’s a boy. If he stays the same, it’s a girl. Girl.
12) If you have headaches, you’re having a boy. If you don’t, it’s a girl. BOY.
13) Girls steal your beauty. If you look better than before, it’s a boy. If you don’t, it’s a girl. Everyone says I look great except my hair which has no body or shine (not that it had much before either) I thing this is a toss up like the morning sickness...
14) If your feet are colder than usual, it’s a boy. If they’re the same, it’s a girl. GIRL.
7/14 Girl
5/14 Boy
2/14 Toss Up
Tomorrow we hopefully find out and the guessing can stop. If you have some prayers, don't pray for gender or to see the goods, pray for a healthy baby. Because more than anything else that is what R and I really want.
Well my friends agree with you, they all say boy too, although they know how much R wants a daughter so they are hoping to be wrong. Family on the other hand all seem to think it is a girl. If you ask me I will pull neutrality most of the time and other times I will actually share that part of me thinks it is a girl, but I am not sure if that is just because R wants a little girl. Don't get me wrong R would be happy for a boy or a girl, healthy is all we are praying for BUT he has always thought he would have a daughter. I thought the same thing to as a teen and even as an adult but obviously infertility changed that. Infertility has made me thankful for morning sickness and pregnancy symptoms, grateful for the chance at a pregnancy and a healthy baby and knowledgeable that some aren't so lucky.
Debating gender seems trivial when what tomorrow is really about is determining if the baby is healthy but it is fun to guess and my worrying won't change anything. So wanna play?
The following are some old wives tales about gender:
1) If you carry high, it’s a girl. Low, it’s a boy. There is no high on my 5 foot 2 body so BOY!
2) If the heartbeat is under 140 bpm, it’s a boy. If it is over 140 bpm, it’s a girl. It always seems to be up above 150 just about every time we listen so that would be GIRL.
3) Tie your wedding ring to a string and dangle it over your belly. If it swings back and forth, it’s a boy. If it goes in circles, it’s a girl. It doesn't matter who holds the string, it goes in a circle: GIRL
4) Chinese Gender Chart (http://www.thenestbaby.com/calculators/ChineseGenderChart.aspx)Some say this is correct 90% of the time. I was 25, and the month was April: BOY
5) If you have acne during pregnancy, it’s a girl. If you don’t, it’s a boy. Pregnancy has cleared up my acne, BOY.
6) If you have morning sickness, you’re having a girl. If you don’t, you’re having a boy. I don't know, does morning sickness count if you don't throw up? If non-throwing up count:Girl if it doesn't: Boy.
7) If your breasts have gotten bigger, you’re having a girl! If they’ve stayed the same, it’s a boy. Then it’s definitely a GIRL!
8) If your left breast is bigger than the right, you’re having a girl. If the right breast is bigger than the left, it’s a boy. GIRL.
9) If your urine is neon yellow, it’s a boy. If it’s a dull yellow, it’s a girl. um, gross... Boy.
10) If you’re hair on your legs grows faster, it’s a girl. If it stays the same, it’s a boy. Girl
11) If the dad to be is gaining weight with you, it’s a boy. If he stays the same, it’s a girl. Girl.
12) If you have headaches, you’re having a boy. If you don’t, it’s a girl. BOY.
13) Girls steal your beauty. If you look better than before, it’s a boy. If you don’t, it’s a girl. Everyone says I look great except my hair which has no body or shine (not that it had much before either) I thing this is a toss up like the morning sickness...
14) If your feet are colder than usual, it’s a boy. If they’re the same, it’s a girl. GIRL.
7/14 Girl
5/14 Boy
2/14 Toss Up
Tomorrow we hopefully find out and the guessing can stop. If you have some prayers, don't pray for gender or to see the goods, pray for a healthy baby. Because more than anything else that is what R and I really want.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Family Relations
What is family? Who is my family? In a world where families live thousands of miles maybe even oceans apart, what is family?
I have been asking myself this a lot recently. As we have talked about before I don’t have a relationship with my bio-dad. And while in the eyes of the law he is still my father, I certainly don’t see things that way. I am much closer to Pop. Pop or Bill is R’s ex-step dad, or his mom’s husband after she divorced his dad who she is now divorced from. In the eyes of the law R has NO legal relationship with Pop, they are “legal strangers”. But we see Pop almost once a week, we have him over for dinner, I give him hugs, he was the second “grandparent-to-be” we told we were pg. He is the ONLY one in R’s family that knows we had trouble getting here. But if R and I ended up in the hospital tomorrow (god forbid) my dad would be allowed into the ICU but Pop wouldn’t.
That is FUCKED UP!
To make matters worse, legally it is very hard to divorce a parent here in the state of CA unless you have thousands of dollars to spend. There is no “do it yourself” form or paperwork, believe me I have searched and searched for it. The process has yet to be defined on how to dissolve a parent child relationship once the child is over 18yrs of age.
I have spoken to two family lawyers, been down to the county court house a few times and still an no where closer to dissolving this relationship than I was years ago. The best I can do is protect my child, because I can’t protect ME! Yep that is right I can’t actually protect ME but I can my kids. So R and I are looking into that right now. Most likely a will stating that my father is to have no contact with my children, biological, or adopted will be enough to protect them, so that in the case of my death R will not be forced let him see our children. Because as odd as it sounds some parents are forced to allow contact between children and grandparents.
But what about me? The law has yet to find a way to protect what I want. A living will might protect me some but not completely.
And what about R and Pop? As hard as the reality is that my father might be allowed to visit me if I were in a coma, what is harder for me is that if R were the one in the Coma, Pop might not be allowed to visit. I would have to “vouch” for him and even then the hospital would be under no legal obligation to allow him to visit.
That our laws don’t protect us amazes me, horrifies me, out rages me. And yet I know some people; friends, acquaintances, coworkers, neighbors have it so much worse. At least my government recognizes my union, my marriage. What would you do if the law wouldn’t recognize your marriage? It is hard for me to understand just how painful that would be, and yet that is the reality for thousands of couples.
California gained the right for same sex couples to marry this year. Hallelujah! But it is being challenged and in November it will be up to us voters to recognize the love and unions these couples have and embrace it. PLEASE my fellow Californian’s EMBRACE it.
I have been asking myself this a lot recently. As we have talked about before I don’t have a relationship with my bio-dad. And while in the eyes of the law he is still my father, I certainly don’t see things that way. I am much closer to Pop. Pop or Bill is R’s ex-step dad, or his mom’s husband after she divorced his dad who she is now divorced from. In the eyes of the law R has NO legal relationship with Pop, they are “legal strangers”. But we see Pop almost once a week, we have him over for dinner, I give him hugs, he was the second “grandparent-to-be” we told we were pg. He is the ONLY one in R’s family that knows we had trouble getting here. But if R and I ended up in the hospital tomorrow (god forbid) my dad would be allowed into the ICU but Pop wouldn’t.
That is FUCKED UP!
To make matters worse, legally it is very hard to divorce a parent here in the state of CA unless you have thousands of dollars to spend. There is no “do it yourself” form or paperwork, believe me I have searched and searched for it. The process has yet to be defined on how to dissolve a parent child relationship once the child is over 18yrs of age.
I have spoken to two family lawyers, been down to the county court house a few times and still an no where closer to dissolving this relationship than I was years ago. The best I can do is protect my child, because I can’t protect ME! Yep that is right I can’t actually protect ME but I can my kids. So R and I are looking into that right now. Most likely a will stating that my father is to have no contact with my children, biological, or adopted will be enough to protect them, so that in the case of my death R will not be forced let him see our children. Because as odd as it sounds some parents are forced to allow contact between children and grandparents.
But what about me? The law has yet to find a way to protect what I want. A living will might protect me some but not completely.
And what about R and Pop? As hard as the reality is that my father might be allowed to visit me if I were in a coma, what is harder for me is that if R were the one in the Coma, Pop might not be allowed to visit. I would have to “vouch” for him and even then the hospital would be under no legal obligation to allow him to visit.
That our laws don’t protect us amazes me, horrifies me, out rages me. And yet I know some people; friends, acquaintances, coworkers, neighbors have it so much worse. At least my government recognizes my union, my marriage. What would you do if the law wouldn’t recognize your marriage? It is hard for me to understand just how painful that would be, and yet that is the reality for thousands of couples.
California gained the right for same sex couples to marry this year. Hallelujah! But it is being challenged and in November it will be up to us voters to recognize the love and unions these couples have and embrace it. PLEASE my fellow Californian’s EMBRACE it.
Friday, August 1, 2008
18 weeks
I am not so sure I like doing these milestone posts. Do you like reading them?
18 weeks today! That seems like so far along and yet some how I don't believe it. I am almost 1/2 way there! Monday is our big u/s. After much debate about finding out the gender and if we would tell the world we decided that if on Monday baby gives up the goods we will share the news with everyone. So assuming baby spreads 'um and the tech isn't an idiot Monday I will know and so will all of you, if I am team pink or blue.
R's mom and I had a good chat this week. She loved the pics I sent her. She is very excited and has decided I am having a girl. I told her that is what R and I think too.
My health is doing well. Less anxiety in general and lots less baby anxiety. I gained 2 maybe 3 pounds this week. :( That brings my gain to 4 pounds. I plan on waiting till the Dr on Monday so see if she agrees. From everything I have read 4 pounds is just fine, but I just worry since I am already so big to begin with. Our spinal abifatia results were negative putting our risk at 1/1500. I wish it were lower than that but those are still great numbers. Monday's u/s should eliminate the risk almost entirely.
This week baby is the size of a sweet potato. She is flexing her arms and legs now and feeling movement is passable. I have thought a few times I might be feeling her move but am still not sure.
18 weeks today! That seems like so far along and yet some how I don't believe it. I am almost 1/2 way there! Monday is our big u/s. After much debate about finding out the gender and if we would tell the world we decided that if on Monday baby gives up the goods we will share the news with everyone. So assuming baby spreads 'um and the tech isn't an idiot Monday I will know and so will all of you, if I am team pink or blue.
R's mom and I had a good chat this week. She loved the pics I sent her. She is very excited and has decided I am having a girl. I told her that is what R and I think too.
My health is doing well. Less anxiety in general and lots less baby anxiety. I gained 2 maybe 3 pounds this week. :( That brings my gain to 4 pounds. I plan on waiting till the Dr on Monday so see if she agrees. From everything I have read 4 pounds is just fine, but I just worry since I am already so big to begin with. Our spinal abifatia results were negative putting our risk at 1/1500. I wish it were lower than that but those are still great numbers. Monday's u/s should eliminate the risk almost entirely.
This week baby is the size of a sweet potato. She is flexing her arms and legs now and feeling movement is passable. I have thought a few times I might be feeling her move but am still not sure.
Not a wife, huh?
If you go to my last post you will see that in response to something I am not I wrote "WIFE". Patty seems to be the only blog reader to pick up on this, or maybe you saw it and know me and aren't surprised by this answer at all. For those, like Patty, who are under the impression I am a wife let me clearly assert that I am in fact NOT a wife.
Yes, R and I are married. Yes, I am a woman and he is a man. But I am still not a wife.
In our household their is ONE four letter word that hurts me if spoken, it is the 'wife' word. For me the expectations of that word are much like the C word. It means to be property, to be owned, to be demure, quite, and less than equal, I am sure many of you disagree. I think that is wonderful, we are all different, and we can be friends and disagree. But for me becoming a 'wife' would be like disowning my liberal feminist ways. My brain couldn't connect how to be a wife and a feminist at the same time and so I chose. I would be married as a partner, still be a feminist and could keep being who I was before the wedding.
At our wedding R and I were pronounced "partners for life" rather than husband and wife. It was a choice both of us made a choice that in our relationship we were partners. "husband" and "wife" are to loaded with expectations and gender roles for us. R is no more a husband than I am a wife and I hold him to higher expectations because of the terms we use to describe our roles in marriage. We are partners, not husband, not wife, we are equals in this relationship, in a way I didn't feel possible if I was the "wife" and he was the "husband".
This isn't to say that my friends who are wives aren't partners too or that I think there is something wrong with being a wife. I would love to have a wife, it just isn't a role I wanted to play. It was a personal choice, and a choice much like not taking my husband's name. It just isn't a title I am interested in.
Yes, R and I are married. Yes, I am a woman and he is a man. But I am still not a wife.
In our household their is ONE four letter word that hurts me if spoken, it is the 'wife' word. For me the expectations of that word are much like the C word. It means to be property, to be owned, to be demure, quite, and less than equal, I am sure many of you disagree. I think that is wonderful, we are all different, and we can be friends and disagree. But for me becoming a 'wife' would be like disowning my liberal feminist ways. My brain couldn't connect how to be a wife and a feminist at the same time and so I chose. I would be married as a partner, still be a feminist and could keep being who I was before the wedding.
At our wedding R and I were pronounced "partners for life" rather than husband and wife. It was a choice both of us made a choice that in our relationship we were partners. "husband" and "wife" are to loaded with expectations and gender roles for us. R is no more a husband than I am a wife and I hold him to higher expectations because of the terms we use to describe our roles in marriage. We are partners, not husband, not wife, we are equals in this relationship, in a way I didn't feel possible if I was the "wife" and he was the "husband".
This isn't to say that my friends who are wives aren't partners too or that I think there is something wrong with being a wife. I would love to have a wife, it just isn't a role I wanted to play. It was a personal choice, and a choice much like not taking my husband's name. It just isn't a title I am interested in.
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