Given the lack of sleep I got last night my mom came over today to help with Riley. She cleaned house and watched him while I took a good two hour nap. When i woke it was time to feed and Riley was giving all the cues that he was ready to eat. But he wouldn't eat. He took maybe 1/2 an ounces and that was it. He screamed and thrashed and yelled and cried until I cried and gave up.
Breastfeeding isn't supposed to be this hard, not this late in the game. He should be eating well not .5- 3 ounces at a time but 5-6 ounces at a time. It shouldn't make me want to cry and give me panic attacks thinking about his next feeding. And so it is with a heavy heart that I anounce our plan to wean him from breastfeeding.
The Plan:
May 16th My BFF Shan is taking him overnight, the hope is he will take a few bottles for her and thus be more receptive to eating for R that night from a bottle. We will then give him 1-2 bottles of pumped mommy milk every day. If he takes to the bottle we will then introduce formula a little at a time. I will still pump but after June 7th I will slowly cut out one pump or breastfeeding session every three to five days till he is just on formula.
I am not happy about any of this. I want to breastfeed but it is not working any longer and I find it more important to enjoy my son than breast feed him. Of course if breastfeeding gets better we will most likely continue to breastfeed for longer but either way he needs to take a bottle. I simply can't do this any more.
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7 comments:
To my brave Ariel let this not be a defeat but amazing win in the motherhood game. Remember you have done it far longer than the average woman so therefore you are an A+ mommy in my book.
XOXO,
Shan
I really love reading your updates on Riley because our babies are so close in age. In the past 5 days my fusspot seems to have taken a break from eating entirely (breast or pumped milk in a bottle). I was feeling really full for a couple of days and then I realized my supply was dropping. I wonder if this is the beginning of babies being distracted by what's around them? I've been trying to feed mine in a quiet place, away from distractions, but I haven't seen much improvement. We also went through a full week of screaming at the breast and I never figured out if there was any reason or way to avoid it, but it started and ended rather suddenly.
I hope you make it to your 6 month goal (because that's the goal you set, not because of an arbitrary guideline) and I think you should be really proud of all the work you've put into breastfeeding your little guy for such a long time!
I had no idea you were having such problems. I'm sorry you aren't able to BF anymore. I'm sure you have researched and made an informed decision, but I'm sure it doesn't make it any easier. Big hugs.
I suffered the same thing with my sweet little Will. He would not nurse anymore and spent the majorityo of the time fighting the breast. In the end I went to pumping and now just give him breastmilk in a bottle. Honestly it's a lot of work and I wouldn't be doing that if his hypoallergenic formula weren't so nasty and expensive. Breastfeeding is one of the hardest things that a mother has to do and you have surpassed the average mom, by far. Hang in there and think about all the fun that you will have with R when his feeding situation is worked out. You should be enjoying every minute of that sweet boy rather than having panic attacks at the thought of feeding him. It will get better rather it be with a bottle or breast.
(((HUGS)))
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Ariel - you are doing the best you can. Rooting for you since you came this far! Your approach is great - it is important to enjoy motherhood more than obsess about BFeeding.
Oh, I am so sorry you are upset. I know this is hard but my gosh you have tried everything - please don't be hard on yourself about it. You are a great mom.
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