Politics

With the election getting so close I have begun to feel the tension in our house rise to a point where you can cut it with a knife. Last night we went out for dinner with family and when politics arose I could feel R shifting his weight, getting uncomfortable in his skin, to be honest so was I. Living in a mixed household is a lot easier than discussing it out in public. We took turns changing the subject. It bothers me that R will actually go into attack mode rather than just try and change the subject sometimes. Thankfully last night we were able to keep the other side bashing to a minimum.

A few nights ago the news came on after a show I was watching. They were being very optimistic about Obama winning. I could feel my heart in my throat, my lungs getting squished as I remembered sitting in front of the TV four years ago hearing a similar report about Kerry. I asked R to turn off the TV telling him I couldn't watch it. He responded with "Why? Your guy is winning, aren't you happy?" in a tone that expressed all to clearly his disgust. As I wobbled (yes I wobble in the evenings now) out of the room I told him no, I hate that people are counting the chickens before they hatch. It reminds me to much of four years ago, and how I felt like the world would end, when Bush was re-elected. I remember everyone, including me being so sure Kerry would win, after all how could we as a nation re-elect Bush, and yet he was re-elected. I want Obama to win but these days I find myself trying more and more to be okay with the idea that he might not. Because I can't go through the shock of another loss like 04. Don't get me wrong if Obama loses I will wear black. I will probably cry too but it won't end my world because at least it isn't four more years of Bush.

In a completly seperate coversation R asked me if I thought I could ever live in a swing state, we aren't actually thinking about moving this was just one of those "what If" conversations couples have. I have often said I would love to live in a state where my vote really "counted" and could make a big difference but when I think about it, maybe not. Even here in CA I am considered a leftie liberal, so the in the rest of the nation my ideas and politics are considered extreme. While I love the idea of living somewhere where my vote could actually be the difference of my guy winning or the other guy, the years between national elections would be torchier. I love my friends who disagree with my politics, but I can't imagine living in a place where the majority of people were significantly less extreme than me. I love my green party friends, my friends who vote purely with the democratic party; no I don't include myself in this group being pro-death penalty, and simi anti gun-control. In short it would be to hard to hold my tongue all the time, and if I lived anywhere else I might have to. I like being part of the majority in CA. I like being able to voice my political opinion in a room of strangers and know that it is likely the majority is with me. So no, we will not be moving out of state any time soon.