Sunday, September 23, 2007

All the wrong things

So any day now I should Ovulate! I love this time of my cycle. It is hopeful and claming in a way. But tonight I want to focus on all the things that are really pissing me off right now.

First my mom. The woman who normally is my light, who before DH was my world, is really pissing me off. She just can't seem to say the right thing. First she had the nerve to tell me that maybe it was my negitive attitude which was causing us to not get pg. I had to tell her that there was no way that being relisitic was the problem. Next she tells me I shouldn't do Clomid because god forbid I should have twins. Umm, I hate to break it to all of you but I would LOVE twins. LOVE LOVE LOVE twins! Would it be hard YES but would I think it was a miracle YES! Then she goes on to tell me that modern medicine is why there are so many ladies who have IF. That if we didn't involve Drs then things like endo and PCOS would not exist in our society because acording to the laws of Darwinism, they would weed it out. SO here I sit trying not to cry because I truely do feel alone.

She loves my niece and nephew. Loves them so much and when my sister got pg at 18 becuase if she didn't then the Drs told her it would never happen. Mom did everything she could to support them. SHe even bought them OPKs. I wish she would do something like that for me. I wish she could see that this is causeing a rift in our relationship. Wish I knew how to make her see the other side of the coin, because she just doesn't see it right now.

If I could tell her anything right now it would be how much I want a child. That I wouldn't care if I had twins or what gender, that I would just love to have my own children. That I am ready to be a mom.

And if I couldn't tell her that then I wish I could tell her the right things to say because she already knows all the wrong things.

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