I have little patience right now for my family, particularly my sister. She and her husband can't seem to get their act together unless everything is handed to them. I have said the words "I am done" many times in regards to them but I just can't ever tell them no. My sister and her husband refuse to put the kids in day care so that they can both work, but they can't make ends meet without both of them working. It is frustrating and once again I am running out of patience.
Today's Kicker:
My mom has her yearly vacation planned to start in a week but my sister's new training begins this week, and her hubby is still working his job thus my mom is taking care of the kids. My sister is expecting my mom to come home from vacation early so Mom can watch the kids and sis can work. Ummmm Anyone other than me think this is F.u.c.k.e.d up?
My mom is letting them live at her house no rent, no utilities and they still don't have enough money to pay their whole food bill so she helps out when they need it. She baby sits (and so do I) for free. She helps with the kids all day and night. The four year old sleeps in her bed so that my sis and her hubby can have their own room. It has gone beyond obsured at this point and yet nothing will change. I can tell my mom over and over again that letting them use her like this is crazy and that she is going to hurt herself working this hard (she is disabled already) but it doesn't change.
At some point I am going to have to say "I won't do this anymore" and that time is quickly approching, but for now I am stuck between helping out and hating myself for it or not helping out and feeling awful for letting down my family, and both choices blow.
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Monday, September 1, 2008
Highs and Lows of Wedding Weekend
There is a 'full' wedding recap below this post (including a belly pic!), this one is just the highs and lows. Lets start with a little Awing, then do a two vents then Aw again. Sound good? Then lets go...
First AW:
I took a bunch of great photos this weekend. I played with the settings on my C.a.nn.o.n P.ower.sh.ot and got some nice shots. Nothing like "professional" ones but pretty good for me. Here are a few of my favorites:
The little girl in the last one was a flower girl, she is also R's cousins oldest. Isn't she CUTE!?!
Now my first vent:
I haven't had much experience with unwanted belly touching till this weekend. Sure R touches my belly and so do my friends but they all have fairly open invitations to do so. Other people I prefer ask and I ALWAYS say yes. I just like to be prepared that my body is about to be touched, seems like a reasonable request to me but R's mom, G disagrees. She gave me a big hug and proceeded to rub the belly. I very nicely asked her to please ask before touching my belly and she says to my belly "Can Grandma give you a rub, yes she can any time she wants." Ryon nicely stepped in and said "mom she means you need to ask HER". G didn't listen but it was the first time in a long time R has stood up to a parent in my defense. It felt nice. She continued to try and rub my belly without asking all weekend, but each time she did so without asking I simply moved out of reach. By the last day she had gotten the idea and finally asked before rubbing. Who says and old dog can't learn new tricks?
Vent Two:
Since we were staying in a separate hotel all weekend it was easy to avoid most family before the wedding, including R's dad, P. I even lucked out and was able to passively ignore him almost the whole wedding, until he approached me (R said hello to him right after the reception). It felt good to make him come to me. We chatted for a second I told him what a beautiful wedding it was, how happy we were for the couple and did NOT mention the u/s pics in my purse, he had seen me showing a few people but R and I were admit that he should ask to see them. The he finally brought it up, the baby, that is. The baby which he still hasn't congratulated me for. He told R and I he didn't want to know the gender. i said that was fine for now, since we don't know either, but that we did plan on finding out and then announcing gender at the shower. He asked us not too, something I don't feel is his place, but R and I simply said we would do what we could to keep him from finding out but that shower participants would be finding out.
R and I agree that he did this as a way to try and control the situation. He can't control that we are pregnant or what month the baby is born or even gender, so he is going to try to control when he finds out the gender. Fine by me but that doesn't mean I am not telling other family and friends! Since R convinced me one big shower would be better than two tiny ones, his family is invited to "my" shower. This means his family will find out with mine what we are having, something I am excited about doing! So P will just have to find a way to keep his ears from hearing the gender news from October 5th (shower day) till the baby comes some time around Jan 1st 2009. R and I agree we can keep the secret and not let it slip in front of him, can the rest of the family? I don't know but I refuse to keep the gender a secret from everyone simply because Grandpa, who isn't happy about baby in the first place, doesn't want to know gender till birth!
My Aw:
I may have the best partner on EARTH! He was great this weekend. Stood up to his mom, saw that his dad was trying to be in control, kept certain "people" as far away from me as he could and was supportive the whole weekend. I love that man!
First AW:
I took a bunch of great photos this weekend. I played with the settings on my C.a.nn.o.n P.ower.sh.ot and got some nice shots. Nothing like "professional" ones but pretty good for me. Here are a few of my favorites:
The little girl in the last one was a flower girl, she is also R's cousins oldest. Isn't she CUTE!?!
Now my first vent:
I haven't had much experience with unwanted belly touching till this weekend. Sure R touches my belly and so do my friends but they all have fairly open invitations to do so. Other people I prefer ask and I ALWAYS say yes. I just like to be prepared that my body is about to be touched, seems like a reasonable request to me but R's mom, G disagrees. She gave me a big hug and proceeded to rub the belly. I very nicely asked her to please ask before touching my belly and she says to my belly "Can Grandma give you a rub, yes she can any time she wants." Ryon nicely stepped in and said "mom she means you need to ask HER". G didn't listen but it was the first time in a long time R has stood up to a parent in my defense. It felt nice. She continued to try and rub my belly without asking all weekend, but each time she did so without asking I simply moved out of reach. By the last day she had gotten the idea and finally asked before rubbing. Who says and old dog can't learn new tricks?
Vent Two:
Since we were staying in a separate hotel all weekend it was easy to avoid most family before the wedding, including R's dad, P. I even lucked out and was able to passively ignore him almost the whole wedding, until he approached me (R said hello to him right after the reception). It felt good to make him come to me. We chatted for a second I told him what a beautiful wedding it was, how happy we were for the couple and did NOT mention the u/s pics in my purse, he had seen me showing a few people but R and I were admit that he should ask to see them. The he finally brought it up, the baby, that is. The baby which he still hasn't congratulated me for. He told R and I he didn't want to know the gender. i said that was fine for now, since we don't know either, but that we did plan on finding out and then announcing gender at the shower. He asked us not too, something I don't feel is his place, but R and I simply said we would do what we could to keep him from finding out but that shower participants would be finding out.
R and I agree that he did this as a way to try and control the situation. He can't control that we are pregnant or what month the baby is born or even gender, so he is going to try to control when he finds out the gender. Fine by me but that doesn't mean I am not telling other family and friends! Since R convinced me one big shower would be better than two tiny ones, his family is invited to "my" shower. This means his family will find out with mine what we are having, something I am excited about doing! So P will just have to find a way to keep his ears from hearing the gender news from October 5th (shower day) till the baby comes some time around Jan 1st 2009. R and I agree we can keep the secret and not let it slip in front of him, can the rest of the family? I don't know but I refuse to keep the gender a secret from everyone simply because Grandpa, who isn't happy about baby in the first place, doesn't want to know gender till birth!
My Aw:
I may have the best partner on EARTH! He was great this weekend. Stood up to his mom, saw that his dad was trying to be in control, kept certain "people" as far away from me as he could and was supportive the whole weekend. I love that man!
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Wedding Re-cap
Would you believe it if I told you that I had a wonderful time? Cause if you had told me last week or even a month ago that I would have a good time this weekend I would have laughed at you. But it is TRUE! R and I both had a good time. Sure there were a few things I would like to have changed but over all we had a really nice time.
However, I can honestly say that our good fortune of having a wonderful time was mostly because we stayed in a different part of campus than the rest of the family. While R's family (around 50 of them) shared 2 floors of dorm rooms with a three block walk up hill for breakfast every morning. We stayed a mile away in a lovely on campus hotel, with a business center (including wifi access), amazing Continental breakfast just down the hall of our room, our own parking garage with free parking (other wedding guests paid 9 dollars a day for parking) and best of all a QUEEN bed with a TV in the room plus a large bathroom. I was so thankful R and I "splurged" on the campus hotel rooms at 15 dollars extra a night! When comparing living situations most people agreed had they know about the campus hotel they would have preferred to stay there. Not having to be around family, except for Pop, and a quite place to rest saved us hours of bickering as a couple.
Our drive down and back with Pop was very nice. They both took great care of me and Pop took us out dinner on the way home Sunday night. We went to a really nice steak house; steak being one of my favorite foods this pregnancy. I rarely order steak in a restaurant just because of expense but Pop insisted and it was very, very good. We spent most of our time with him over the three day, but it was nice and when he or I needed space or was tired we just said we were ready to go back to the hotel. Is it wired that the person in R's family I like best (other than R) is someone he has no blood or legal relationship too?
The wedding itself was beautiful! Everything went great and the ceremony was preformed by the same family friend who did ours. I cried during it. R and I haven't been to a wedding since our own and so it brought back so many memories for both of us. The vows included a part about children and I said a little prayer that these two don't face any infertility or pg loss issues. I know they will make great parents and I hate the fact that there is no way to know if they will be one of the one in eight. At the end of the ceremony they were pronounced husband and wife and then presented for the first time as Mr and Mrs. hisfirstname hismiddlename hislastname. I have to admit R and I both looked at each other and exchanged sympathetic glances. We just aren't big fans of the whole Mr and Mrs thing as you all know. It isn't that she took his last name but that she is now Mrs. hisfirst hismiddle hislastname, as if who she is and was no longer exists after the exchanging of rings. I am sure most other people don't even notice things like that, but I also know, I am not the only feminist this bugs. The reception was great, R and I danced a few dances, we chatted with family, and enjoyed the whole night.
For those of you wondering how many belly rubs I got without asking the total is above 6! I actually couldn't believe it but it seems R's family really doesn't have any personal boundaries sometimes. His mom was the biggest offender of all rubbing my belly without asking even after I asked her to please ask first.
So that is the low down. Next post will be on the highs and lows of the weekend. I need to do a little venting and some AWing as well. Let me leave you with a belly pic, here is R and I with the bride, my new SIL!
However, I can honestly say that our good fortune of having a wonderful time was mostly because we stayed in a different part of campus than the rest of the family. While R's family (around 50 of them) shared 2 floors of dorm rooms with a three block walk up hill for breakfast every morning. We stayed a mile away in a lovely on campus hotel, with a business center (including wifi access), amazing Continental breakfast just down the hall of our room, our own parking garage with free parking (other wedding guests paid 9 dollars a day for parking) and best of all a QUEEN bed with a TV in the room plus a large bathroom. I was so thankful R and I "splurged" on the campus hotel rooms at 15 dollars extra a night! When comparing living situations most people agreed had they know about the campus hotel they would have preferred to stay there. Not having to be around family, except for Pop, and a quite place to rest saved us hours of bickering as a couple.
Our drive down and back with Pop was very nice. They both took great care of me and Pop took us out dinner on the way home Sunday night. We went to a really nice steak house; steak being one of my favorite foods this pregnancy. I rarely order steak in a restaurant just because of expense but Pop insisted and it was very, very good. We spent most of our time with him over the three day, but it was nice and when he or I needed space or was tired we just said we were ready to go back to the hotel. Is it wired that the person in R's family I like best (other than R) is someone he has no blood or legal relationship too?
The wedding itself was beautiful! Everything went great and the ceremony was preformed by the same family friend who did ours. I cried during it. R and I haven't been to a wedding since our own and so it brought back so many memories for both of us. The vows included a part about children and I said a little prayer that these two don't face any infertility or pg loss issues. I know they will make great parents and I hate the fact that there is no way to know if they will be one of the one in eight. At the end of the ceremony they were pronounced husband and wife and then presented for the first time as Mr and Mrs. hisfirstname hismiddlename hislastname. I have to admit R and I both looked at each other and exchanged sympathetic glances. We just aren't big fans of the whole Mr and Mrs thing as you all know. It isn't that she took his last name but that she is now Mrs. hisfirst hismiddle hislastname, as if who she is and was no longer exists after the exchanging of rings. I am sure most other people don't even notice things like that, but I also know, I am not the only feminist this bugs. The reception was great, R and I danced a few dances, we chatted with family, and enjoyed the whole night.
For those of you wondering how many belly rubs I got without asking the total is above 6! I actually couldn't believe it but it seems R's family really doesn't have any personal boundaries sometimes. His mom was the biggest offender of all rubbing my belly without asking even after I asked her to please ask first.
So that is the low down. Next post will be on the highs and lows of the weekend. I need to do a little venting and some AWing as well. Let me leave you with a belly pic, here is R and I with the bride, my new SIL!
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Wedding Weekend!
This weekend my BIL is getting married and while I am thrilled to be getting a SIL I love, R and I are finding the weekend to be more stressful than relaxing. We will be in the same hotel all weekend with both sides of R's family. There are more than a few members of this family that drive us both up the walls. My plan is to stay in my hotel room and avoid everyone as much as possible, without being anti social. If you could send us some safe traveling thoughts and happy drama free family thoughts too we will take them all! Both of us are going to need a ton of help getting through this weekend. Thanks for all the support!
Also to the right there is a new poll just for this weekend. My question is how many people try to rub the belly without asking. So far no one has done this, not even a stranger! But I have a feeling I won't get through the weekend without it happening.
Also to the right there is a new poll just for this weekend. My question is how many people try to rub the belly without asking. So far no one has done this, not even a stranger! But I have a feeling I won't get through the weekend without it happening.
Happy Birthday Julian!
Four years ago today I became an Auntie, and with the new title my heart expanded to love more than I had previously thought possible. Years as a nanny didn't prepare me for loving you the way I do. Your little body, with long fingers and toes was the most precious thing I had ever held. I knew right then I would walk to the end of the Earth for you.
You have grown so much in the last 4 years. Your personality has developed into a child who loves gross motor activities, and could spend hours at the park on your bike, scooter, or just running around. You are outgoing and a good friend always trying to be kind to others. Your not a great sharer but we are working on that. You have become a good big brother, keeping your sister safe as you walk with her down the sidewalk. I am very proud of the boy you have become.
Happy Birthday Julian!
You have grown so much in the last 4 years. Your personality has developed into a child who loves gross motor activities, and could spend hours at the park on your bike, scooter, or just running around. You are outgoing and a good friend always trying to be kind to others. Your not a great sharer but we are working on that. You have become a good big brother, keeping your sister safe as you walk with her down the sidewalk. I am very proud of the boy you have become.
Happy Birthday Julian!
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
MIL saves the day!
Yesterday I was emotionally all over the place. One moment I would be fine and the next I would feel like crying. I wasn't depressed, I was hormonal! At the root of all those hormones: family issues. We have a lot of them these days but this time it is about my mom. My mom and I are very close and I thought this pg would make us closer. I naively hoped that she would be as excited about this pg as she was my sister's two. But that hasn't happen, she is excited but not in the way she was with my sister's pregnancy. That has left me feeling kinda sad some days. It is hard to feel like you and your hubby are the only ones truly excited about the baby. I shed a few tears over the mom thing and then my MIL calls. My MIL and I don't exactly see eye to eye on most things but she is THRILLED I am knocked up and she is going to be a grandma. Our conversation was so nice and at the end she told me "I am more excited about see you than the wedding or seeing my sons". We got off the phone and I cried, again not depressed tears but tears of emotion. There is someone out there possibly even more excited than me about this baby! That means the world to me.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Today is better.
So obviously I was upset about last night when I last posted. I was upset enough to blame R, to yell at him for making us tell in person and this "early". And I wasn't really thinking about R all that much. I knew he was hurting but not to the extent that I do now. However he also doesn't blame his dad, he blames the cunt (dad's wife). While I see his point that she did all the talking, did all the questioning of our choices I also saw a man (R's dad) who didn't smile or congratulate me. A man who let his wife tell us we made a mistake and in my opinion silence is agreement. So I blame them both, R blames her. I know part of it is because we see things differently but another part is that he desperately wants his father's approval. WHY? Not really sure, but he does.
Today we are doing better. I made it clear i want nothing to do with either of them for the next two months till R's brother's wedding. He is fine with that. I also said I will never be going out to dinner with them, he's not okay with that but for now is letting it slide. We both are talking about it with each other in a calm manor and that seems to be helping each of us feel better.
Now our good news of the day: Both R's siblings now know and both were really happy for us.
Today we are doing better. I made it clear i want nothing to do with either of them for the next two months till R's brother's wedding. He is fine with that. I also said I will never be going out to dinner with them, he's not okay with that but for now is letting it slide. We both are talking about it with each other in a calm manor and that seems to be helping each of us feel better.
Now our good news of the day: Both R's siblings now know and both were really happy for us.
14 Weeks
Sorry it has been so long since the last post. I will start at the beginning of this week and work our way through to today from there.
Tuesday, I went to get my hair done. A friend of mine is a stylist and I have been using her for years. I love going and talking about normal stuff. I decided this time to go ahead and get color put all over the highlights. I figured being out of the first tri it was safer than doing both and still needing toner to give extra color to the highlights. While there another woman came in with her 5 month old, we began chatting and when she said "Sasha (baby's name) is such a miracle and completely worth the wait" I thought "cool an IF patient like me!" NOPE! It took her 4 months! While I admit I was restless at four months looking back I laugh at myself. I ended up telling her how long it took us and from there a conversation bloomed with her hair dresser about IF treatments. She has two friends currently starting the process. I gave her my recommendations and then wrote it all down to pass on to her friends. My hair dresser and I are friends but she had NO idea about the fertility treatments, well now she does! It felt good passing on the info and also being able to in a round about way tell my friend what we went through to get here. And to boot I love my new cut and color!
Friday was the 4th of July so R had the day off. We used the morning to tell his mom that we are pg. She is very excited and wanted to know what we are having. I told her we didn't know yet and she was disappointed. I thought that was funny. I told her it was to early and she wanted to know how early I was. I told her I was out of the first tri and she relaxed a little. She had a m/c between her two healthy boys so I know she was extra worried about that. She listened to the h/b and let out little glees of joy. It was lots of fun telling her! The rest of Friday we relaxed and took it easy.
Saturday we told R's dad and the cunt (his new wife). It went worse than expected. I still haven't processed the whole night so I am just going to re-post what I did on thenest.
Dinner tonight should have been a celebration, since we were announcing being pg but somehow the conversation turned to how R and I were going down the wrong path by having a baby. They told us we should have bought a house first, and they were disappointed I wouldn't be going to school full time now. They told us they don't think we will ever buy a house since we will have a baby and that we can't survive on R's salary (which we already do survive on). They didn't smile not say congrats to me EVER. In short it was awful. I may never speak to them again. I was so upset after dinner it caused cramping which then caused a panic attack. I have since calmed down although I am still not okay with what happened. R is upset and refusing to talk about it he is so hurt by what happened. In short I feel I have every reason to hate my in laws!
So that is my week in a nut shell. Baby is doing fine and is the size of a lemon. She can suck her thumb, wiggle a toe, go pee-pee and is already practicing breathing! A thin coat of hair is starting to cover her body to keep her warm as well.
Tuesday, I went to get my hair done. A friend of mine is a stylist and I have been using her for years. I love going and talking about normal stuff. I decided this time to go ahead and get color put all over the highlights. I figured being out of the first tri it was safer than doing both and still needing toner to give extra color to the highlights. While there another woman came in with her 5 month old, we began chatting and when she said "Sasha (baby's name) is such a miracle and completely worth the wait" I thought "cool an IF patient like me!" NOPE! It took her 4 months! While I admit I was restless at four months looking back I laugh at myself. I ended up telling her how long it took us and from there a conversation bloomed with her hair dresser about IF treatments. She has two friends currently starting the process. I gave her my recommendations and then wrote it all down to pass on to her friends. My hair dresser and I are friends but she had NO idea about the fertility treatments, well now she does! It felt good passing on the info and also being able to in a round about way tell my friend what we went through to get here. And to boot I love my new cut and color!
Friday was the 4th of July so R had the day off. We used the morning to tell his mom that we are pg. She is very excited and wanted to know what we are having. I told her we didn't know yet and she was disappointed. I thought that was funny. I told her it was to early and she wanted to know how early I was. I told her I was out of the first tri and she relaxed a little. She had a m/c between her two healthy boys so I know she was extra worried about that. She listened to the h/b and let out little glees of joy. It was lots of fun telling her! The rest of Friday we relaxed and took it easy.
Saturday we told R's dad and the cunt (his new wife). It went worse than expected. I still haven't processed the whole night so I am just going to re-post what I did on thenest.
Dinner tonight should have been a celebration, since we were announcing being pg but somehow the conversation turned to how R and I were going down the wrong path by having a baby. They told us we should have bought a house first, and they were disappointed I wouldn't be going to school full time now. They told us they don't think we will ever buy a house since we will have a baby and that we can't survive on R's salary (which we already do survive on). They didn't smile not say congrats to me EVER. In short it was awful. I may never speak to them again. I was so upset after dinner it caused cramping which then caused a panic attack. I have since calmed down although I am still not okay with what happened. R is upset and refusing to talk about it he is so hurt by what happened. In short I feel I have every reason to hate my in laws!
So that is my week in a nut shell. Baby is doing fine and is the size of a lemon. She can suck her thumb, wiggle a toe, go pee-pee and is already practicing breathing! A thin coat of hair is starting to cover her body to keep her warm as well.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Not Out Yet
I promise this will be a post too but A Journey of a Lifetime if you would PLEASE email me a kittylove516 at yahoo dot com I can answer your questions about IF resources online. My favorite one of which is on thenest.com and called the t-ttc board. Okay now my real post.
Over and over people keep asking me if we are 'out' yet about the pg. It seems that once you hit 12 weeks everyone expects that you will give up the goods and tell everyone. Most days and I really do mean MOST days as in 5/7 I feel okay telling the whole world. That is as long as I can do it one person at a time. But news such as this doesn't travel like that, it travels like wild fire. So while R and I have made leaps and bounds in telling people, D and B R's best man and wife found out on Sunday, my maternal grandmother will find out this week people such as, oh R's PARENTS still don't know.
To be honest this is not at all R's fault, but it isn't entirely mine either. R's parents are divorced, and his mom can't and his dad won't keep secrets. So they have made it to the bottom of the pile for who knows about the pg. And since telling them amounts to telling around 50 people I am very hesitant about doing so. It isn't about still being scared of losing the baby, our risk at the moment is somewhere around 3% and in a week it goes down to 2% but never does go down much further than that. It is about having that many people find out at once and their reactions.
To be fair R's mom is going to be thrilled, just today she mentioned to R how she longs to be a grandmother. I know she will be happy for us. R is even worried she will be so excited upon hearing the news she will jump up and down and hurt herself, a realistic fear given her feet have had three surgeries in two years and are getting another in November. Nope who I really don't want to tell is R's dad, Pete.
Pete's reaction to our news of engagement was less than thrilled. We had dated a year and half, R was 30 years old and he had a good job but new. Somehow though the news of our engagement was shocking. We told Pete and his third wife and they sat across the table stunned. I finally said "I'm not pg, if that is what you are thinking" They both laughed nervously before launching into a funny story about a friend. It was a good 5-10 minutes before either said congratulations. And before they said that they asked where my ring was, it was getting sized we told them and they told us it didn't seem official till I had a ring. Weeks later ring on finger they saw us and told us they were happy, but I don't think R or I ever really believed them.
Because of our past experience R and I are a little hesitant about telling them. It isn't that we don't want them to know but that we don't want them to rain on our parade. We are beyond thrilled to be pg. For them not to be happy for us would break R's heart, and mine too. So we keep waiting, me trying to avoid my husband's heart breaking without telling him that is what I am worried about, R trying to understand my need for secrecy just a little longer.
Side note: I wrote this in the am but didn't post because I got bussy. Then around 1 I started cramping. The got bad, I mean REALLY bad but no spotting. I called the Dr and they wanted me to come in. It was the sameDr I saw for my dizzyness. As soon as he saw me he said "lets just do an u/s". My kind of Dr! Baby looked great h/b strong andmy cervix is still nice and closed. Whoo hoo. However when the cramping started I was so thankful R's parents didn't know yet. We might be pushing back telling another week. We will see what the rest of this week brings.
Over and over people keep asking me if we are 'out' yet about the pg. It seems that once you hit 12 weeks everyone expects that you will give up the goods and tell everyone. Most days and I really do mean MOST days as in 5/7 I feel okay telling the whole world. That is as long as I can do it one person at a time. But news such as this doesn't travel like that, it travels like wild fire. So while R and I have made leaps and bounds in telling people, D and B R's best man and wife found out on Sunday, my maternal grandmother will find out this week people such as, oh R's PARENTS still don't know.
To be honest this is not at all R's fault, but it isn't entirely mine either. R's parents are divorced, and his mom can't and his dad won't keep secrets. So they have made it to the bottom of the pile for who knows about the pg. And since telling them amounts to telling around 50 people I am very hesitant about doing so. It isn't about still being scared of losing the baby, our risk at the moment is somewhere around 3% and in a week it goes down to 2% but never does go down much further than that. It is about having that many people find out at once and their reactions.
To be fair R's mom is going to be thrilled, just today she mentioned to R how she longs to be a grandmother. I know she will be happy for us. R is even worried she will be so excited upon hearing the news she will jump up and down and hurt herself, a realistic fear given her feet have had three surgeries in two years and are getting another in November. Nope who I really don't want to tell is R's dad, Pete.
Pete's reaction to our news of engagement was less than thrilled. We had dated a year and half, R was 30 years old and he had a good job but new. Somehow though the news of our engagement was shocking. We told Pete and his third wife and they sat across the table stunned. I finally said "I'm not pg, if that is what you are thinking" They both laughed nervously before launching into a funny story about a friend. It was a good 5-10 minutes before either said congratulations. And before they said that they asked where my ring was, it was getting sized we told them and they told us it didn't seem official till I had a ring. Weeks later ring on finger they saw us and told us they were happy, but I don't think R or I ever really believed them.
Because of our past experience R and I are a little hesitant about telling them. It isn't that we don't want them to know but that we don't want them to rain on our parade. We are beyond thrilled to be pg. For them not to be happy for us would break R's heart, and mine too. So we keep waiting, me trying to avoid my husband's heart breaking without telling him that is what I am worried about, R trying to understand my need for secrecy just a little longer.
Side note: I wrote this in the am but didn't post because I got bussy. Then around 1 I started cramping. The got bad, I mean REALLY bad but no spotting. I called the Dr and they wanted me to come in. It was the sameDr I saw for my dizzyness. As soon as he saw me he said "lets just do an u/s". My kind of Dr! Baby looked great h/b strong andmy cervix is still nice and closed. Whoo hoo. However when the cramping started I was so thankful R's parents didn't know yet. We might be pushing back telling another week. We will see what the rest of this week brings.
Monday, June 2, 2008
One down, Two to go
We told Pop (R's ex-step-dad) last night. R had been very worried about his reaction. Pop doesn't have any biological children and wasn't a part of R and his brother's lives until they were in Elementary school so his contact with babies is very little. A few times he is at family get-togethers and my niece and nephew will be there. He is kind to them but doesn't go out of his way to be with them. This made R worry that he would stop being a part of our lives once the baby comes. R and Pop are very close and I am close to Pop to so I didn't see that happening. His reaction was of excitement. He doesn't really get overly excited about anything but he smiled and kept saying congratulations to us. He talked about telling his mom and I told him that was fine but that he needed to not tell people who know R's family or mine since we aren't "out" yet. he wanted to know why we hadn't told R's bio parents yet and we explained it was early and they would tell extended family and we just aren't ready for that yet. His response "oh, you mean we are still in the danger zone" you could tell he was scared for us. I told him yes but that the baby has been fine so far and there is no reason to think this pg won't continue as normal. That seemed to make him feel better. At the end of the night R told me he was so glad to get to tell someone on his side. I feel bad we can't tell his parents yet.
Why aren't we telling his parents you might ask. Well his mom is a lot like me and can't keep a secret, and his dad simply WON'T keep it a secret. R's mom would be so excited (she is the last of 7 siblings to be a grandparent and is the 3rd oldest) that she would tell the world. I am not ready for the world to know and neither is R so we are waiting till after 12 maybe even after 14 before we say anything to her. R's dad would tell his siblings not out of excitement but just because he likes telling other people's news. We will be asking him not to say anything to people till 48 hours after we tell him so that WE can tell siblings, grandparents and other people we want to hear it from us. BUT more than likely he will still be on the phone to people before that telling them. He has a hard time respecting the wishes of other people.
As worried about telling Pop as R was I am much more concerned about telling R's dad, P. When R and I announced we were getting married P's reaction was silence. It took me telling him I wasn't pg to get a response and then the response we got was "oh, good". It wasn't till the end of dinner he told R congrats. P has his own timetable of how things should be done. In his mind R should be a homeowner before a husband, and have a retirement plan (and enough money to retire the next day) before a father. We aren't exactly following his ideal path and P isn't to happy with us because of it. With the market the way it is we just can't afford a house I would want to live in for the next 10 years. And who at 33 and 26 have a large enough retirement fund to retire tomorrow? I think that just isn't realistic!
So I am expecting not the greatest response from P. For R's sake I am hoping I am wrong but I have a feeling I won't be. I wish parents could just be happy for their children, after all a baby is a wonderful thing, and it isn't like we aren't married or this wasn't planned. Shit we paid money for this! How much more planned can you get? Oh well, it isn't worth worrying over to much till we hit 14 weeks and it is time to tell.
Why aren't we telling his parents you might ask. Well his mom is a lot like me and can't keep a secret, and his dad simply WON'T keep it a secret. R's mom would be so excited (she is the last of 7 siblings to be a grandparent and is the 3rd oldest) that she would tell the world. I am not ready for the world to know and neither is R so we are waiting till after 12 maybe even after 14 before we say anything to her. R's dad would tell his siblings not out of excitement but just because he likes telling other people's news. We will be asking him not to say anything to people till 48 hours after we tell him so that WE can tell siblings, grandparents and other people we want to hear it from us. BUT more than likely he will still be on the phone to people before that telling them. He has a hard time respecting the wishes of other people.
As worried about telling Pop as R was I am much more concerned about telling R's dad, P. When R and I announced we were getting married P's reaction was silence. It took me telling him I wasn't pg to get a response and then the response we got was "oh, good". It wasn't till the end of dinner he told R congrats. P has his own timetable of how things should be done. In his mind R should be a homeowner before a husband, and have a retirement plan (and enough money to retire the next day) before a father. We aren't exactly following his ideal path and P isn't to happy with us because of it. With the market the way it is we just can't afford a house I would want to live in for the next 10 years. And who at 33 and 26 have a large enough retirement fund to retire tomorrow? I think that just isn't realistic!
So I am expecting not the greatest response from P. For R's sake I am hoping I am wrong but I have a feeling I won't be. I wish parents could just be happy for their children, after all a baby is a wonderful thing, and it isn't like we aren't married or this wasn't planned. Shit we paid money for this! How much more planned can you get? Oh well, it isn't worth worrying over to much till we hit 14 weeks and it is time to tell.
Monday, May 19, 2008
They will never understand me if they don’t know
I have always been an open book about almost everything, you want to talk about sex, politics, romance, infertility or my deepest fears, and I'll talk I just need you to be open and honest too. This is always the first thing R mentions about me when asked why he fell in love with me. It is something many people like about me and something others don’t. I am okay with that.
However when it comes to my in-laws I feel conflicted. The person I am and how their family is are very different and to say they don’t mesh well is an understatement. I have spent the last four (almost five) years of my life with R and during that time have learned that unless asked I should just keep my mouth shut.
Well that just hasn’t worked for me. I want it to but it doesn’t. His parents have no clue about the person I am. I love them, they may even love me but they don’t like me. I am to straight forward, and blunt for their passive aggressive ways.
Much of the time this all really doesn’t matter. R claims to be close with his parents but his mom lives 2,000 miles away and they talk about once maybe twice a month. R and his dad speak less than that and he lives 20 minutes away, less than 15 miles from our house. Since the beginning of '08 R has seen his dad 2 times this year and talked on the phone maybe three times. I haven’t seen his dad since X-Mas. But if you ask R his family is “really close and tight knit”. Umm YA RIGHT!
But the point of me telling you all this is that while I have been fairly open about our IF, R hasn’t and even now with us pg, he still doesn’t want to be. Part of this is that I am okay with being the poster girl for IF and he isn’t. Part of it is that R doesn’t want to tell his folks about our “trouble”. He says it isn’t about what they would think but that it is none of their bussness, and I think well maybe not but it is a HUGE part of US. Of WHO we are and WHY we are so happy about the baby.
I have agreed to keep my mouth shut to his family but I question the rational. He wants me to be closer to his family, but the way I do that is by sharing a part of who I am. I simply don’t know how to have a relationship with people who know nothing about me. Please tell me HOW DO I DO THAT?
However when it comes to my in-laws I feel conflicted. The person I am and how their family is are very different and to say they don’t mesh well is an understatement. I have spent the last four (almost five) years of my life with R and during that time have learned that unless asked I should just keep my mouth shut.
Well that just hasn’t worked for me. I want it to but it doesn’t. His parents have no clue about the person I am. I love them, they may even love me but they don’t like me. I am to straight forward, and blunt for their passive aggressive ways.
Much of the time this all really doesn’t matter. R claims to be close with his parents but his mom lives 2,000 miles away and they talk about once maybe twice a month. R and his dad speak less than that and he lives 20 minutes away, less than 15 miles from our house. Since the beginning of '08 R has seen his dad 2 times this year and talked on the phone maybe three times. I haven’t seen his dad since X-Mas. But if you ask R his family is “really close and tight knit”. Umm YA RIGHT!
But the point of me telling you all this is that while I have been fairly open about our IF, R hasn’t and even now with us pg, he still doesn’t want to be. Part of this is that I am okay with being the poster girl for IF and he isn’t. Part of it is that R doesn’t want to tell his folks about our “trouble”. He says it isn’t about what they would think but that it is none of their bussness, and I think well maybe not but it is a HUGE part of US. Of WHO we are and WHY we are so happy about the baby.
I have agreed to keep my mouth shut to his family but I question the rational. He wants me to be closer to his family, but the way I do that is by sharing a part of who I am. I simply don’t know how to have a relationship with people who know nothing about me. Please tell me HOW DO I DO THAT?
Monday, January 28, 2008
Seeing the kids
7 days! 7 days! 7 days! In 7 days I leave to see the LOVES of my life (other than R that is)! I am so excited!
The first pick is Brooklyn, whose nickname is Pookie. She was the first person I told about our t-ttc. She may have been only weeks old but she is a great listner. She loves avacado, walking and she LOVES me! Mostly because I spoil her rotten as does R.
Julian is the little prince. His nickname was Ju Ju bean as a baby but now that he is a 'big boy' he doesn't like his nick name anymore. He loves animals, swimming, and playing at the park. He is FULL of energy and loves to rough house with R or his dad. He can be picky at times but he almost always knows what he wants. He and I were very close before he and his family moved; we still talk once a week but it isn't the same. When he lived in CA we took BART rides to the city and did great day trips. I miss him the most becuase we had a real relationship and I can feel that weakening the longer he is away.
Thanks for letting me share with all of you how excited I am about the trip.
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