6 weeks! hahah I ment 5!!!

Today baby is the size of an apple seed, which seems small until I realize a week ago she was a poppy seed. Her brain is beginning to develop and spine. It is very important I take my folic acid and my Omega 3s now since those aid in proper development.

R and I are both still in shock about actually being pg. We have know for a week but still I wake up every morning and think "holy shit I am pg!". My brain barely comprehends that I am knocked up the reality that this means motherhood and a baby in our house is even more shocking to my mental status. I just didn't think this day was coming this fast. YES I know how ridicules that sounds but I had really tried to prepare myself for the worst, needing IVF or having to adopt or even live childless. I just didn't let myself get to thinking about it working on the first IUI. Of course I am thrilled that it did. I am beyond thrilled and excited but still in shock.

I had my first acupuncture as a pg lady this week, which was kind of weird because I didn't actually have acupuncture during it. Instead we did cupping and motsa to help with my back pain (not IF related) and my allergies. It was very relaxing although I don't know how well it worked because my back doesn't really bother me all that much most days. The Dr wanted to do something for the nausea but I begged him not to. He seemed confused and I told him "right now it is the only thing telling me the baby is okay". He still seemed confused but he didn't press the issue. It was very cool getting to tell the acupuncture place I was knocked up! I really wanted to run into MR Doom and Gloom, just to rub it in, but he wasn't there tonight.

Truth be told I do have another symptom: boobs, they hurt and they look fuller, not by a ton only a little. And they look more veiny. My favorite lace bra is the only one that is fitting differently so far. The pain is only when they aren't supported or if they are being handled, otherwise they don't bother me. R hasn’t said anything about them yet. I wonder if/when he will notice?

Thursday morning I sneezed really hard and it started some bad cramps but 2pm I had to call my RE nurse who told me to go ahead and lay down. I did and what do you know? They just about stopped! Of course then I was worried because my nausea was gone that afternoon. I have just about convinced myself that it is because I did such a good job keeping hydrated yesterday and keeping food in my body. The key seemed to be keeping lots of protein in me and tea. But the lack of nausea last night made me a little paranoid after the cramps. I am going to try and push it out of my mind though. It helps that I woke up nauseous today.

Repeat to self: I am pg, my baby is fine and growing. I am a healthy happy pg lady.

We still haven't told anyone else about our news. We are both dying to but I really can't tell my sis yet and DH's parents can't hold a secret so they are out too. It sucks holding this in but at least I can talk openly about it here. I really want to tell R's ex-step dad, Pop, (did you get that) but R doesn't want to tell anyone else before his mom. I get this and honestly I would be 100% okay with telling her now. BUT when BIL got engaged she told me "I don't care if it is a secret, my boys should know not to tell me something they don't want the world to know". Thankfully R heard her say this and he as been as admit as I have been about NOT wanting the world to know. Actually I don't mind the world knowing but we need to tell R's dad, our grandparents and our siblings BEFORE the world and I don't want them to know till I am 12 weeks. So for now no one else knows.

Uhhhhh.... thanks for the hope???

I had my third accupuncture on the 16th and for the first time I hated it. I actually LOVE the acutal accupuncture. For the first time I came home and naped after it. It was the person (student) I disliked. Dislike being a MAJOR understatement. Here is how the conersation went:



Him: So you've been trying for a year?

Me: Just over that.

Him: That isn't that long.

Me: Compared to some your right it isn't but we chose to be seen after a year, when the dx of IF was given.

Him: My wife and I tried for 14 years.

Me: I am so sorry.

Him: Its fine. I didn't want children and I like our life. She was sad for years but is over it now.

Me: mmh, childfree isn't an option for us.

Him: Are you sure your husband wants a child?

Me: (slightly outraged) Yes.



He does his exam and says "I don't see you getting pg until we reslove these underlining issues. Your cycles are too long and you don't bleed for long enough. You have massive chi blockage. I can't be agressive enough on you if you insits on not doing herbs and acing like you are pg in your 2WW."



Me: (SHOCKED)

Him: I will get the Dr.



Dr comes in tells me he hopes this IUI is what works for us and then goes on to say that if I am not pg then maybe taking a month off and doing more exsensive treatment through them is a good idea. He has had lots of women do that and get pg.



Then I have my treatment. I told myself all through the treatment: this will work you are getting pg.



However he already had planted the seed of doubt. I am having a hard time staying positive today but am trying very hard.



And because all of you will say I should talk to the clinic, Done. I am writting a letter and calling the school tomorrow to talk to the head hauncho.

Update: Head hauncho said he will speak to the student and let him know that behavior isn't approprite. I feel better about it now and am back to feeling VERY hopeful.

Today was my first accupuncture appt

and it went really well. It didn't hurt I was able to relax and I even felt the tingling sensation through out my body. I LOVED it!

For those of you who don't know this was a HUGE deal for me because I have an intense fear of needles. 10 years ago I was still crying and being held down by nurses for blood draws. Last year I finally moved out of the children's room and now get my blood drawn like an adult. Today was a huge step for me.

Please don't judge my fear because admitting this is all very hard for me. I wanted to share because I thought maybe some of you might be considering going but afraid. I want you to know how good it felt. I was going for my infertility and stress, but they worked on a lot of things today.

She told me that I might experience random crying today and while I have yet to break down and cry I am very emotional today. I want to cry, I just can't. I have a feeling I might be visiting Utube and watching "I would die for that" today.

I also had a very vivid dream last night. I dreamt my mom told me she was pg a year ago and had aborted the baby. It was just a dream but it shocked me. I am very disturbed by it. I asked her about it and she looked at me like I was crazy but did re affirm to me that it was just a dream. I have always had vivid dreams and sometimes they are scary but this one was weird. I knew it was a dream but at the same time I didn't. I remember in part of it I was asking her why she didn't give it to me. She was saying something about me wanting my own children. And all I could think was "How could you?" It was like in my dream I was Pro-life which I am not IRL.

I have to admit though IF has made me question the right to chose. I never thought that could happen but it has. The issue is no longer black and white but shades of grey. Funny hu?