I tested at 8am in the morning to only see one line. I cried, went for my beta and to my surprise it was POSITIVE.
I am overfilled with emotions about today, and I can't quite seem to put them into words. I am immensely grateful for everyday with my son, for his smiles and laughs. He is everything I dreamed and wished for, he is my miracle.
To my readers thank you for all your support. Thank you for lifting me up when I was down and for just being here, your support has gotten me through some rough times. For those still wishing hoping and praying for their miracle, please know I pray for you often that you find your way to Motherhood lane.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Really really bad night
We put Riley down at 8pm and he was up FIVE times! That was the worst night sleep since he was 3 weeks old. He was up at 9pm, 11:30, 1:30 3:30 and 5am then got up for the day at 8. Oh and we followed the stupid lady from the Sleep Class advice all day yesterday. We will NOT be following her advice EVER again! I guess I am eating my words about the sleep class being worth it.
After last night I promise to be thankful for his once a night wakings even if they continue till he is a year old.
After last night I promise to be thankful for his once a night wakings even if they continue till he is a year old.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Sleep Class
I went to a sleep class at a local shop that does all kinds of classes. It was a very good class and I really liked that she didn't endorse one method of sleep ideology over another instead she focused on steps to get your little one ready to sleep through the night. Things like making sure the environment was right, they are well fed during the day, they have the ability to but themselves back to sleep, are good nappers and have a good schedule too. Riley has the environment down pat, his room is dark, it is the right temp, it has a white noise machine which we now run when ever he is asleep. But he isn't a good napper and we lack a schedule. So right now I am working on those things. In order to do that she suggests staying at home for naps for 3 weeks. Which means I can only be gone for about 2 hours, that is barely enough time to run to the store for us some days! But I NEED more sleep and I agree with her that if he is getting the naps he needs he will sleep better at night. So tomorrow is our first day home following our new schedule. 3 weeks is a LONG time please pray I don't go crazy.
Parenting By Gut
When a woman becomes pg these days she almost always picks up a copy of some parenting book along with her pg book, and if you are like me then you picked up 10 different parenting books everything from Dr. Sears to Baby Wise and from Ferber, to No cry sleep solution as well as everything in between. Everyone has their favorites, where I live Dr Sears and his attachment style parenting are VERY popular. I agree with LOTs of thing Dr. Sears says BUT I don't and won't co-sleep nor will I wear my baby while he naps. All the time people talk about parenting styles and I have a really hard time fitting myself into any one category.
We baby wear but we don't bed share and to be honest I am admittedly against bed sharing for my family. I believe babies have a schedule and that it is best to keep a child on a schedule but I think Baby Wise is dangerous and we feed on demand even when that is every hour. I really like Baby Whisperer, and her EASY pattern as well as her "start as you mean to go on" but I have been known to breastfeed to sleep frequently.
R and I just don't FIT into a style. And so I would like to create my own. It is called "Parenting by Gut". It recognizes what works for one family may feel very wrong for another and tells parents to listen to their gut. If the baby is fussing and you feel in your gut they will be back to sleep in a second then don't jump up to rescue them, but if you think this fuss is about to lead to a scream then by all means go get your kid if that is what you want to do. In PbG we try not to judge others for parenting choices, if CIO worked for a mom and her child and they are happy and thriving then that is fine. But that may not work for every family. Just because I baby wear doesn't mean you need to nor do I need to bed share because that is what works for your family.
The biggest rule in PbG is about giving advice, all advice must start with the saying "What worked for us was...." rather than "You should try....." The second rule I have already mentioned, it is not judging others for their choices. I am guilty of judging others a time or two but over all I really try hard not to. In PbG we do our best not to judge others even when their choices turn our tummy into knots. Example I find two piece bikini swimsuits highly inappropriate for infants but others use them because they are easy for diaper changes or for other reasons. And while I will never put my infant in a bikini I don't judge those who do. And rule number three, listen to your gut! If something doesn't feel like it is the right fit for your family then don't do it, it is that simple. I think the world would be so much better place if we all lost the titles of parenting and all just PbG.
We baby wear but we don't bed share and to be honest I am admittedly against bed sharing for my family. I believe babies have a schedule and that it is best to keep a child on a schedule but I think Baby Wise is dangerous and we feed on demand even when that is every hour. I really like Baby Whisperer, and her EASY pattern as well as her "start as you mean to go on" but I have been known to breastfeed to sleep frequently.
R and I just don't FIT into a style. And so I would like to create my own. It is called "Parenting by Gut". It recognizes what works for one family may feel very wrong for another and tells parents to listen to their gut. If the baby is fussing and you feel in your gut they will be back to sleep in a second then don't jump up to rescue them, but if you think this fuss is about to lead to a scream then by all means go get your kid if that is what you want to do. In PbG we try not to judge others for parenting choices, if CIO worked for a mom and her child and they are happy and thriving then that is fine. But that may not work for every family. Just because I baby wear doesn't mean you need to nor do I need to bed share because that is what works for your family.
The biggest rule in PbG is about giving advice, all advice must start with the saying "What worked for us was...." rather than "You should try....." The second rule I have already mentioned, it is not judging others for their choices. I am guilty of judging others a time or two but over all I really try hard not to. In PbG we do our best not to judge others even when their choices turn our tummy into knots. Example I find two piece bikini swimsuits highly inappropriate for infants but others use them because they are easy for diaper changes or for other reasons. And while I will never put my infant in a bikini I don't judge those who do. And rule number three, listen to your gut! If something doesn't feel like it is the right fit for your family then don't do it, it is that simple. I think the world would be so much better place if we all lost the titles of parenting and all just PbG.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
No we won't CIO
Riley is not sleeping well at nights, he seems to like getting us up twice a night. Even on nights he sleeps 6 hours for the first stretch he will be up 2 hours later. He doesn't NEED the food but he wants it for comfort sake. This last week as been particularly hard with his night terror, breastfeeding revolt and then shots, so we aren't ready to sleep train yet, but I am thinking if by May he isn't STTN regularly then we will be sleep training. However, we will not be CIO. And why is CIO the first thing everyone suggests to us when we mention the lack of sleep? For us CIO will be the last step, and one we will take only if we have to. WHY?
I have listened to babies CIO, sat at the door to thier bedroom and wailed myself with them. It was very hard to do even as a nanny and now as a mom I can't imagine how hard it would be.
Secondly, when you CIO you need to be 100% commited to it because noting is more confusing to a child than getting picked up sometimes for crying and not othertimes. We do not have this level of commitment, yet.
Third, and possibly the biggest reason CIO isn't for us. I read a article about what must go through an infants mind when it CIO for the first time. I got about three sentences in before I had to put the article down and go hug my son.
We are going to try some other things first, like a sound machine, and then letting R go in and comfort him with a paci and seeing if that puts Riley back to sleep before offering the breast. I am also hoping to get more tricks at a sleep class I am taking next week. Hopefully by May we won't need to sleep train but if we do then at least we will have an idea of the path that might work best for our family and our parenting style.
In the mean time if you happen to talk to us and we look sleep deprived please don't tell us we can always CIO. It isn't a path we are willing to take at the moment.
I have listened to babies CIO, sat at the door to thier bedroom and wailed myself with them. It was very hard to do even as a nanny and now as a mom I can't imagine how hard it would be.
Secondly, when you CIO you need to be 100% commited to it because noting is more confusing to a child than getting picked up sometimes for crying and not othertimes. We do not have this level of commitment, yet.
Third, and possibly the biggest reason CIO isn't for us. I read a article about what must go through an infants mind when it CIO for the first time. I got about three sentences in before I had to put the article down and go hug my son.
We are going to try some other things first, like a sound machine, and then letting R go in and comfort him with a paci and seeing if that puts Riley back to sleep before offering the breast. I am also hoping to get more tricks at a sleep class I am taking next week. Hopefully by May we won't need to sleep train but if we do then at least we will have an idea of the path that might work best for our family and our parenting style.
In the mean time if you happen to talk to us and we look sleep deprived please don't tell us we can always CIO. It isn't a path we are willing to take at the moment.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
STTN!
We did 8 hours last night WOOOO HOOOO!
And then today after getting our referral to the PT he grasped the hanger out of my hand brought it to mouth, switched hands and then after another minute switched back. He literally went from not having a skill to mastering it over night! THAT'S MY BOY! So now we have grasping/reaching and cross lateral movement under our belt! AWESOME
And then today after getting our referral to the PT he grasped the hanger out of my hand brought it to mouth, switched hands and then after another minute switched back. He literally went from not having a skill to mastering it over night! THAT'S MY BOY! So now we have grasping/reaching and cross lateral movement under our belt! AWESOME
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
4 Month Check Up
Today was Riley's well baby visit for his four month check up. It went well given the nursing strike that happened today but I have already spoken about that. He is growing well, and developing on track EXCEPT he isn't grasping yet or rolling over. I wasn't worried about the rolling over but the grasping concerned me. Dr Wonderful "played" with Riley trying to get him to grasp for the pen, the light and a few other things. It took him a considerable amount of time to even try and reach the object. He never got it on his own, but when given the object he brought both hands to mid line and put it right in his mouth. Exactly what he should be doing on his own. Dr Wonderful said we could do some PT if I wanted "yes please!" was my response. I think he is used to parents who when hearing their child is behind freak a little, but I know that the earlier a issue is caught the easier it is to fix. I think R was taken aback by Dr. Wonderful suggesting PT, the whole conversation he kept telling the Dr that he thought he was reaching/grasping a lot. We haven't talked about how he feels about Riley needing PT but I am sure it will drag up some emotions. The rolling over is no big deal he has a another 3 months to do that and I am not concerned. Riley is already scooting when on his back. So it isn't like he doesn't move, he just doesn't roll yet.
As for growth Riley is right on track he is 87% for weight, 54 for head and 48th for length. If you remember from my BIG u/s the tech commented on his "long legs" well today the nurse commented "he is all torso". Funny how things change.
We also talked about Riley's flat head. I am a BIG fan of the helmet. Our culture is too centered around looks and I think it is more harmful than good to let them simply grow out of the flatness. This only applies to kids who have a noticeable flatness AND as always is JMHO so please not rude comments from the peanut gallery.
We did skip vaccinations today. Dr. Wonderful said not to do them since the nursing thing could be him getting sick. It is weird how the planets keep aligning to keep us from getting them. I am starting to think the universe is trying to tell us something....
Let me leave you with a pic of Riley with Dr. Wonderful:
As for growth Riley is right on track he is 87% for weight, 54 for head and 48th for length. If you remember from my BIG u/s the tech commented on his "long legs" well today the nurse commented "he is all torso". Funny how things change.
We also talked about Riley's flat head. I am a BIG fan of the helmet. Our culture is too centered around looks and I think it is more harmful than good to let them simply grow out of the flatness. This only applies to kids who have a noticeable flatness AND as always is JMHO so please not rude comments from the peanut gallery.
We did skip vaccinations today. Dr. Wonderful said not to do them since the nursing thing could be him getting sick. It is weird how the planets keep aligning to keep us from getting them. I am starting to think the universe is trying to tell us something....
Let me leave you with a pic of Riley with Dr. Wonderful:
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